Snowboarding Playlist

Straight Up  Halifax
Oh! Ellen  Gob
Easy Target  Blink 182
Give It Up  Midtown
Hurricane  Kanye West
The Part That Hurts The Most (Is Me)  Thousand Foot Crutch
Marijuana  Yelawolf
Porn Star Dancing (feat Ludacris)  My Darkest Days
The Catalyst  Linkin Park
Defend Atlantis  Flobots
Ghosts N Stuff  Deadmau5
Undead  Hollywood Undead
To Them These Streets Belong  Rise Against
The Devil’s Own  Five Finger Death Punch
Your Betrayal  Bullet for My Valentine

15 min of Written Down Fame.

Need a release cause my mind feels like it’s shredded 2 pieces
2 much stress N this life of mine, it’s fuckin anemic
This so called social life – facebooking from afar, turn my back and identify
The snakes looking 2 rain on my parade like a hurricane
All the lightin and thunder, washed away N a sewage drain
Here comes the moment where I’m supposed 2 get positive
But the only light 4 my opticals is the one that is dimly lit
No point 2 get all damn emotional, because it’s only a matter of time
For me 2 B sittin up tall, high on that pedestal

Don’t give a damn about the future, or the past tense
The present is the moment - currently looking 4 happiness

2 dogs and a cat

I got no energy to write
Nothin left in me tonight
Gonna pass out here and dream about
All the obstacles in my path
Leaping over mountaintops
Over the rainbow till I find that big pot of gold

Somedays I struggle with obscurity
She doesn’t even notice me
But I got all the tools
All I need is a platform

These ideas are golden
Holdin’ onto a promise
Nothing is impossible
When God is on premise
NO fighting, no arguments
Given in to the lonely nights
Back when denial meant bravery
And buffoonery was like slavery
Pickin those cotton fields
Toiling till the cows come home

Damn girl U caught my eye
You’re fly like a falcon
Creative and spontaneous
Cute like a button with your glasses all struttin
Down that highway and into my arms
Don’t be alarmed I’m just here rambling
I hate to gamble but this time - I’m going all in

2 No 1 N Particular

It’s 2 late 2 say I should have been
There 4 U when U needed a friend
2 lean on, a shoulder 2 cry on,
Ignored U I have, but today we shall move on
They say Time Heals All Wounds
Well if that statement is true, then my timing could use
A little better placement – because N the technology age of facebooking friends
True reason is lost – never 2 B heard from again
We can’t reenact the past – but it is possible 2 formulate a long lasting
Impression - and it’s from the pits of depression that I write this to U –
These words of congestion, confession and truth.
Your suggestions have been noted N my memories of the fondest times
Like back N the day when we used 2 get high
On life by living N the moment – better hold onto them tightly
Don’t know about U but I consider those moments golden

Message 4 My Step-Mom

Watching U die slowly
Is making me cry, feeling ever so lonely
For U.
When did we quit trying?
And when will we start fighting?
For life and exuberance
Instead of just living - under the turbulence
On the outside, we can pretend it's alright
But on the inside, it's a constant fight
I wish I didn’t have 2 bear witness
2 your disheartening conditions, examples of which are 2 numerous
2 mention, or give it extra attention
I wish I had your undivided attention, right now
Instead I have 2 write cryptic rhymes
Time after time, searching 4 words
But nothing I can say will ever make it right
What shall we do?
What kind of life has God given 2 U?
People everywhere love U
But take it from me, encouragement can be hard 2 find
When you’re sitting in bed, like a hospital bed – all of the time
Speaking of time, I keep thinking it’s only a matter of time
And that fucking sucks
Fuck all the doctors
Fuck all the pills
Fuck the prescriptions, because fucking drugs kill
They’re not making U better, they’re making it worse
And I don’t have the words 2 tell you how bad it hurts
Already in push-away mode, because why get close 2 someone
Who doesn’t want 2 get try 2 get better?
God please give us strength 2 fight through this bad weather

I keep telling myself I can make a difference
Even though, thus far things have felt so insignificant
With nothing to fight 4, it’s like I’m pacing in circles therefore -
Still living paycheck to paycheck – nothing steady on the horizon
Already heavy is my heart, beating cold like a bass drum

Creativity Killed the Cat

God give me something good to write about
It’s like the passion is all gone and I’m left searching for whereabouts
Pacing in circles, it’s like my talent is wasted
Tasting defeat, circle back and retreat
Making ends meet but I’m not on my feet
Solid ground feels so heavy, weighing my options ever so mightily
Go to bed scared because I’m so unprepared
For life after 30, no matter how much I drink, I’m still waking up thirsty
From working this dead end position – it’s not what I would have envisioned
Back in the days of milking the system, mabee it’s karma rearing ugly head

Corporate America

Corporate America

Like a robot I’m programmed into the same ol’ routine
Got the game face ready, about to enter the regime
Of slimy sales and broken toenails
Walking across eggshells as I’m makin’ that dollar

Better highlight the favorites cause I’m setting new standards
Cranking the volume, trading handouts for favors
So far down in the doldrums as the numbers keep slumping
Sooner or later I’ll be back on the chopping block

No friends in this business – everyone’s in it to win it
A big deal on the table – cranking the cold calls
This place is like a concrete wall – impossible to climb
But this time I’m trying – to get through the unwinding
Monotony – how could they possibly….
Expect for me to build houses
Using these archaic tools

It’s like searching for fools gold at the end of a rainbow
Forecasting a scapegoat – give me, give me, give me
Liberty or give me death
Even Patrick Henry couldn’t have predicted this fight.

Bankzbeatz - September 2010

A Bankzbeatz Production...

1. 30 Seconds to Mars (ft Kanye West)  Hurricane
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZwMbY-leMM

2. Ke$ha  Take It Off
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpFMuBHxGWs

3. Stromae (ft. Kanye West And Gilbere Forte’)  Alors On Danse (Remix)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORqMkdP8TLo

4. Pitbull (ft T-Pain)  Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDi5XSeDHGY

5. Lil Wayne  Im Not A Human Being
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSBt_2hgVUM

6. Ice Cube  Life In California
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rca5NfVsT90

7. Asher Roth  Cannon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY7VtTRfY-4

8. Lil Wayne  Spit In Your Face
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyY8iBOOjoo&feature=fvst

9. T.I. ft Rick Ross  Pledge Allegiance To The Swag
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAp2WUxzTw4

10. Lil Wayne  Money Or Graveyard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6940XasiUs

11. My Darkest Days ft. Ludacris  Porn Star Dancing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpjpRm606h8

12. BG  Back To The Money
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeSQb-YZRik

13. J Cole  Blow Up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaXI7T8dnjY

14. Ice Cube  Money Or Your Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfv8mrruMww

15. Lupe Fiasco  Go To Sleep
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh1ewLu2NEM

16. Lil Wayne ft Drake  Right Above It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fo9akQvsNI

17. Wiz Khalifa  Black And Yellow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8Z17sz4s98&ob=av3e

18. Ice Cube  No Country For Young Men
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQH_M44DUk4

19. Kanye West  Love Lockdown (Mysto & Pizzi Electro House Remix)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGD1sEM0pNo

20. T.I. ft. Lil Wayne  Yeah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyKTvsPBwUA

On the Job Training - February 8, 2008

(I blow this one up. Taking about learing the business of sales :)



Going through the motions
Showing the stress signs
Signaling a severe lack of devotion.
Gotta stay with it, keep going
Keep the bullshit on notice,
keep climbing the mountain,
Never look down and keep the focus important.
Regardless of setbacks, you gotta stay in attack mode.

Better move out of the way cause I got the backbone –
The passion and balls to do business differently –
The big picture here is to coexist independently –
Cause it's a rotating door in this greedy industry –
It's all about payoffs, and what have you done for me recently –
Batten down the catches captain, do you smell what I'm cooking?
Hitting rock bottom, without sensing the urgency.
Got mutiny in the veins – so please don't take this personally – on valentines day – dropping elbows on my opponents like my name is Greg Valentine - Time to hammer the phones, start making the house calls – Like Harry, gotta start making things happen, regardless of pitfalls - I can't perform surgery – nervously twitching without a factor determining – the burning desire to perform at such a high level – High on the list but I try to stay mellow – in the midst of the mystery – lies a perceptive epiphany – running in circles like an obnoxious dependency – far from the norm, when you connect all the dots - need to concoct a solution – and let go of the scapegoats – more like an excuse that got old quick – forget that last line – I can't rhyme with the confidence – cause the common sense is not listening – I got the gold in my scope but as of right now, the reasons are meaningless, just need to preserve them like glycerine, a reservation for rainy days – stay on the pace – brutal at times but it's all part of conditioning – although it seems tempting to run the tank empty – it doesn't make sense to notice what seemingly – matters most in this cold world – propaganda and piracy, the patriot act and lack of all privacy - cold wars and cold sores – more hardcore pornography than you could ever think possibly – would cost and arm and a leg but you can get it for free – Piece of crap, good for nothing, always begging for something, better get down on all fours, take a look for yourself, if you need a reference just point to the scoreboard – keeping a legacy is a longshot is you buy into the folklore – mission critical failure – is what the parity forewarns- its easy to boast when you're the toast of the town – but I order the shots here – and I refuse to buy rounds – for the rest of the hands that cling onto the coat tails, can you spot the difference between propaganda and fan mail? It all depends on where you fall on the pay scale

230 Words of Hate - March 2, 2008

(I forget what this was about, but it kind of sucks. not one of my better ones:)



Don't take my honesty for weakness –
Anymore – Like a revolving door -
In due time, everything will just pan out –
But in the meantime, I don't want to think about –
Anything but autopilot –
My brain shuts down and everything dies out –
Like a forest fire –
All the desires are about to expire –
Getting older by the minute –
Nothing makes sense anymore but the frequent –
Breakdowns –
And hand me downs –
All the credit card debt is wearing me down –

Long distance relationships –
Like a ship that's sinking slowly –
Nevermind, forget about it –

Anxiety and emptiness –
Priorities catch a feeding glimpse –
Into the uncertain –
Nothing on the surface –
Waiting for the curtians –
To close.

It keeps getting colder –
Seems like everyone knows –
the struggles I deal with –
And troubles I'm feeding –
Forget about that –
I'll be fine just believe me.

Getting through these dog days –
Hip hip horay –
Exitement is always –
Optimistically nonexistant.

Can you replace it?
I doubt that you can..
why don't you just find a replacement –
and go on existing?
Yeah, keep feeding me bullshit –
I doubt that you'll hear me –
Trust nobody –
What an endearing quality –
More like enduring –
The vision is blurry –
Better call up the doctor and get more pills in a hurry –
So nervous and worried –
Wishing on stars –
And the only thing that's for certain –
Is a fairy tale ending –
and a heart that stays hurting

Freestyle - April 2, 2008

(WOW, looking back, I was on a roll with this one:)

Taking up too much time –
Writing these nursery rhymes –
But with the right features –
It may appear that I'm subliminally high

Forget all the crying –
Forget underlining – the sentances
No weak for the weary, no need to be shy –
It’s moments like these –
That really define me –
Head of my class, a sick poet in disguise -
So hit the fast forward – sit back and unwind –

Circumstantial significance –
With intermediate dependencies –
They say nothing is easy –
In a world of discrepancies.
Got a handful of ideas
But not enough contacts -
The critics are many –
Like conflicts and setbacks –
But I don’t care bout a perception that’s negative –
Cause I got the goods to rise the hell up out of this –
I’m not doubting the benefits –
Kissing ass and taking shit –
But sooner or later –
You’ll lose the initiative –
Afraid to change colors –
Or ruffle the feathers –
And letting everything go –
right under the covers.
As society is deadly conforming to norms –
And the pain is so cold –
Like cause and effect mode –
All the way down this yellow brick road –
so few fortunes -
So many doors –
Only one balcony but not enough windows –

Even bordedom gets lonely –
Every once in a while –
Just gotta ignore and move forward –
Regardless of value, I'm still selling my soul –
Like I'm shoveling gravel –

All the travels and all of the trials –
Spent on the road, heart beating with a heavy denial –
I still got the focus that makes it worthwhile -
God and country and money is nothing –
This isn't a mumbling -
I don’t care about wealth –
Just good health and the hunger –
Right now, my passion is a masterpiece –
But my perception always seems to be the centerpiece –
Of attention –
During round table discussions –
Self preservation mode – time to empty presumptions –
Like I got a bad attitude –
Because I question the funnel - the functions –
Of certain set in stone policies –
That make it harder for most – other jabronis -
To do their job properly –

when it becomes obvious that the compatencies are in question –
The comments start coming –
Right out of the concrete –
But even roses can rise if the chemistry’s good.
For better or worse, this war is now personal –
Better take a still capture, cause this isn't a ritual
This isn’t the usual –
Two minute bogus flow –
A plan is in action –
The cause is residual –

Not yet but someday soon –
All of this gloom –
That others assemble –
Will pale in comparison
Because I refuse to let
outside factor clog my potential -

Bogus Flow - April 16, 2008

(This rhyme is pretty tight, i wrote it at work:)

It's times like these when I need to reference the Microsoft spreadsheet –
Like a deadbeat dad – I'm not about numbers,
It's the attention my ears need –
No eye candy here in the windy city cdw facility –
Too many festivities to indulge in repeatedly –
Too many dependencies –
And there's no honor amongst thieves –
I should be working harder –
Instead of writing these nursery –
Rhymes to help pass the time –
Got money on my mind but no sales in the pipeline –
The opportunity is dim -
Cause 20/20 is hindsight –
And I got 20 bucks left in the bank account –
I got 99 reasons why I got sales in the crapper –
A bunch of damn resellers –
And like the Rock says – it doesn't matter –
If I up sell to the next higher tier –
I might as well get out of here –
Call it a day – come in early tomorrow –
Cold calls in the morning, with nothing to follow –
up on -
I got a fountain of possibilities –
But nothing in front of me –
Cause I'm held down by the window of opportunity –
Looking ever so busy while the day is wasted away
In the pits of discrepancies

Burning bridges –
Building my book of business –
Got nothing for now –
better call in the Guinness –
Book of world records –
Don't mean to ruffle the feathers –
But this weather is dumpy –
68 in the office – clammy and dreary –
Meanwhile outside – too bleak for the weary –
Worn out and needy – annoying endearment –
Got the ease of convenience –
But not even that is enough to get some much needed frequent –
Attention like my span is so random –
Like the phantom menace from star wars –
It's the sequel that nails them –
And this don't even make sense anymore –
My damn hands hurt – carepletunel from typing –
Them dogs will hunt but the bitches keep whining –
What is there to do anymore –
When the timing – is wrong?
just need a hit from the –
long, long time ago, gotta get something going and scarf down more bogus flow.

Freestyle - April 26, 2008

I tell you I that want some, so here I am, come and get some – my techniques aren't as handsome – but at least I can match them – word for word or sentence by sentence – but for arguments sake, lets call this transparent – sort of like a shade of gray – like my perspective –it can always make a turn – and nothing is inherently 100% - except for the past – if you take the time to measure it – speaking of which, that's all that I got – a time right now I can show you – how bad that I want right now just to hold you – don't know if it's overreactive or deep seeded attraction – that I got for your hotness – you just blow me off my feat, your heiness. Speaking of blowing, i just blew this up for you

Joel Osteen Moment

It doesn't matter how hard the struggle is. It doesn't matter how many times we've failed. All that matters is the effort and time we put into something we truly believe will eventually pan out. Sometimes its best to learn things the hard way. Sometimes it takes awhile, but with every failure comes a blessing in disguise. We don't have the ability to understand how everything works in the grand scheme of things. That's why we have to hold our faith strong, even when everything around us seems to be crumbling before our very eyes. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going. Sometimes it's helpful to change the channel. We have to quit worrying about the stuff we don't have. Let's try reversing the focus. Lets pretend we already have everything. What now? What do are we going to do with it?

How many people do you know who are miserable? These people could be the most successful businessmen, salesmen, Vice presidents of major corporations, whatever. If they make so much money and have so many fancy possessions, how could they be so miserable? Sometimes it just doesn't seem possible. The truth of the matter is, if we're not happy with what we already have, chances are we won't be happy for what we get later. That's just the attitude some of us have. I've learned that often times, the more you appreciate the struggle, the more satisfying the reward will be. And by 'appreciate', I don't mean that we should glorify hardship. On the contrary, we need to accept it for what it is, a necessary challenge in order for growth. It's not easy to appreciate a challenge. It can be scary at times. But we need to have faith that every challenge will help us grow. Plus, the way we respond to challenges define who we are, and how we approach things in the future. That's what tenacity is all about, the ability to move forward, regardless of circumstance. And there are challenges we may never overcome. Mountains we may never to be able climb to the top. But that's okay. We hust be confident that other doors will open along the way. You see, our energy is like a magnet. It rubs off on others and that is so important. Especially when our master status is defined by something other than our material or physical prowess. However you view success, if you ask anybody who is successful they will tell you they didn't get there by themselves. Somebody gave them a break along the way. Somebody gave them an opportunity. If you go into challenging situations with a defeated mindset, even after a big win, you'll never maintain long term gratification.

It took me a while but I've learned that it's impossible to be discouraged if you always find a way to be grateful about something. It's a fact that we all have been blessed with certain things other people do not have. It's also a fact that there will always be somebody in a worse predicament than us or somebody who has it harder than we do. What's my point? Suffering is relative. It's all on perception. For example, a struggle is bad and a challenge is good. They both basically mean the same thing but the connotations drastically differ. Whatever it takes, we need to find some value in how we approach things, what areas we succeed in, and what areas we have trouble with. Sometimes, the grand prize isn't so grand after all. It simply acts as a distraction from what's really important – appreciation of the present tense, and all the blessings or good breaks that got us this far in the first place. Continue to strive for growth, but that consistent appreciation is so important because that's how we build faith – faith in our abilities, faith in God, faith in good karma, whatever - as long as we have faith in something. The good thing about faith is that once you have it, you can use it to carry you. It also helps reassure us, it provides us the evidence we need, that even though things may seem insurmountable right now, you know deep down inside – that based on what we have already achieved, there will be something to gain from whatever roadblocks or icebergs we are facing right now

Cheating and Breaking the Ropes - October 22, 2008

(Alot of guilt, alot of regret on this one...- and a pretty cool pro wrestling analogy at the end:)


I'm nervous about things right now because I don't know how it will look like from a perspective that isn't mine. I made a decision and that decision is final, at least for right now. But the feedback from that decision has been so overwhelming. I feel damned in both directions. I'm damned if I 'stay the course' and trudge on through and I'm damned if I act on what my gut has been telling me all along. Either way, people get hurt. The question is, which path leads to least resistance?

Opposites can be so unattractive. Failure and success all depends on the prize. It is worth it? That depends on the chase. Running away from the misery - and it still seems like the best mystery - is still light years away. Like a free lunch, there's no clean breaks. Even if I have both feet on the ropes – the referee doesn't care. Get the show going and give the people what they paid their money to see.

Relegated to the curtain jerker role, no curtain calls here, because the gimmick is tainted. He's money on the mic, but the only TV he gets, is during commercials. When the cameras come back on, he freezes right up, forgets all his lines, as the fans watch in sheer disbelief. Used to play babyface but now he's a heel. He loves the reaction but only if – the boys in the back - let him call his own match.

Freestyle - December 12, 2008

(This is some of my best stuff right here:)


No plan of attack -
No momentum to back up the bolstering -
Boiling points, boiling up because I'm the only one noticing anything.

Hard to find direction with this kind of perspective -
Way too much drama -
Way much more than I least had expected…
Way too much Responsibilities -
To take care of…
Far too more than I was aware of.

Reneging on deadlines -
Still packing the punchlines
Punching out timeclocks -
Like I'm gearing for primetime.

Under the surface the anxiety worsens -
Cursing -
About the time I let go of -
Paradise purposely.

Hard to think when you can't breathe -
Cause dreams don't mean anything
To me - anymore.
Except for a sacred means -
To reclaim all the memories -
Back when everything could be achieved perfectly.
Everything God created for me.

I'm all alone in this quest to stay positive.
And even the simplest things -
Require the greatest of willpower.
Much more than i'm willing to allocate -
at least for right now -
in this present time - a passerby moment.

My mind is high on the auto -
pilot. Flying high…
High in the clouds…up so high now, don't wanna look down.
A long, long way, such a long way -
But mabee just mabee -
if I can glide this plane higher, the sun will break free.

Disaster recovery mode into full effect now -
At least from one thought process.
Everything has been…apparently lost, I guess -
that leaving things leaves many things -
Behind. With nothing left to do.

All your encouragement -
All my malnourishment -
And all of the negative energy that is flourishing here
In this very moment…
I am feeling precocious
Fully submerged, like an sunken old battleship.

The promised land is a concentration camp.
Because it hurts to concentrate -
Compromised -
On things you have -
Little to no realistic control of.

My favorite 2pac tracks

Rearview
Let Em Have It Remix (ft Lisa Lopez)
Heaven Ain’t Hard to Find
Me Against the World
Unconditional Love
Heartz of Men
Check Out Time
Can’t C Me
Betta Holla at Me
I Ain’t Mad At Cha
When Thugs Cry
Hit Em Up
Shorty’s Gonna be a Thug
So Many Tears
Wonda Why They Call U Bitch
When We Ride on our Enemies
Mama’s Just a Little Girl
They Don’t Give a Fuck About Us

Bulletin Board Material

Never relax the standards. Break stereotypes. Find the passion. Don’t let go of the faith. Go on the gut instincts. Don’t over analyze, instead plan ahead. Give 100% in all that you do. Be the hardest worker in the building. Always say thank you. Let go of regrets because all mistakes are a blessing in disguise. Accept responsibility. Lead by example. Don’t preach your beliefs, live by them. Create ways to stay positive. See the beauty of the world that surrounds you. Smile at a stranger. Everyday show somebody a sample of your talent. It’s okay to fall down because the true test of character is getting back up. Set expectations early and often. Expect good things. Don’t wait around for good things to pass. Patiently persevere, that’s how consistency is kept. Eliminate the arrogance, accept humility, and maintain the confidence because there’s no good reason to accept anything less.

Top 10 - Worst Jobs I've ever had

Read it and weep. And laugh your ass off. Without any further ado, here are the top 10 stupidest work details as a proud member of the United States Coast Guard, Airstation Traverse City:

....




“Rock-Ops”
Near the front of the base, there were a bunch of different colored rocks, with a big "USCG" logo in red volcanic rock. Often times, these rocks would get shuffled around, due to the weather, foot traffic, and whatnot. Not a very good first impression for newly arriving personal to see these rocks, scattered in disarray. So our job was to reorganize these rocks, and separate the colored ones from the white ones. We also had creative control to change the font of the physical rocks that sported the "USCG" logo. Each Friday, we would try and switch the lettering up a bit, in the case some of base dignitaries ever got bored with the rocks’ original lettering configuration.

“Trash-Ops”
This consisted of walking around the fence line, the entire perimeter of the air station with trash bag in one hand and a ‘poker stick’ in the other. There would usually be two or three of us performing this work detail as sometimes the lead trash ops officer would occasionally miss a stray piece of garbage.

“Crack-Ops”
There were many cracks in the lower level walls of the hanger where the 5 helicopters rested. Sometimes, you can just throw gobs of paint to fill up the cracks. It probably would have been easier to just throw some putty down in there, sand the walls down, then paint over...but painting layers upon layers of paint takes up more time because you have to wait for the wet paint to dry. We used to take bets on how long it would take for the paint to dry.

“Battery-Ops”
Next to each bed in the Smith Hall berthing area was a nightstand. On each nightstand, lay an alarm clock. You never know when the batteries are going to die on these things. I would presume the batteries should last for years and years because the clocks were all plugged into the wall. But what happens if the power goes out? Or if the cord accidentally gets unplugged? Then you’re running off the batteries. And what happen if the power goes out and the batteries die? Then you have rescue swimmers oversleeping, missing their musters, and being late on a search missions. Since we were all in the business of saving lives, it was our job, NO – our inherent duty and personal responsibility, to ensure that NO lives were lost due to equipment failure from these janky alarm clocks.

“Clock-Ops”
This goes along the lines of the previous bullet point, except this time, the detail consisted of replacing all the batteries in the wall clocks. Since there were no active power supplies to the wall clocks, this job was performed much more frequently and with a greater sense of urgency than the previous battery-ops detail. Plus, every office, Hall, mess, and berthing area in the Airstation was fitted with a wall clock - it wasn’t just limited to the Smith Hall berthing area, as per the previous "battery ops" detail.

“Kubota-Ops”
We had a Kubota and a big ass frontloader to assist in the snow removal/dirt digging operations. Since there was no formal training or certification needed to operate these heavy duty machines, we would often times take it upon ourselves to conduct ‘unofficial training’ or peer refresher courses so to speak. We would go out in the back 40, far from the watchful eyes of the top brass, and practice our expertise on these machines. We would dig massive holes and fill them back up again, as well as transporting piles of dirt from one area to the next, with no specific rhyme or reason. Adhering to the Coast Guard motto of Semper Paratus (always ready), you never know when your number is going to be called. In the case we were needed for emergency digging ops, we had to make sure we were 100% efficient with the operations of these machines, in the case that would ever happen. (examples of emergency digging might be to fix a sprinkler head, or cable line, or something like that. It’s really hard say, due to the fact we were never actually called upon to perform any type of emergency detail involving the Kubota or frontloader).

“Ground Hog-Ops”
This is my personal fav. These little pesters have been known to reak alot of havoc on the trees and to the general landscape. Nothing looks worse on a freshly mowed lawn than to have a bunch of holes in it. So it was our job to eliminate these pesky critters, by any means necessary. The most effective way to eliminate the Airstation Traverse City groundhog population required a minimum of 4 US Coast Guard Personal. One guy would carry the shovel. One guy would carry the bucket of water. One guy would operate the go-cart, and the last guy would pull double-duty, as acting detail supervisor and water bucket refill person. Unfortunately, this type of detail was only seasonal, mainly during the hot summer months. We had to get a bit more creative during the winter season. {See next.}

“Sand-Ops”
I spent around 15 hrs (aka a full ‘work’ week) once sanding an entire entertainment center by hand. Quite an accomplishment, I must say. We did have a couple of electric sanders readily available but sometimes you just take more pride in doing things by hand. Plus, it helped save on the electric bill. Not that the government cares if they save money on their monthly electric bill but in any event, it took up a lot of time to sand these things by hand and that was the primary reason we would even attempt such a monotonous and ridiculous project. You throw in the re-finishing, and buffering, and a single table could take weeks.

“Shine-Ops”
Many of the doors had this kind of copper, shiny like handle on them. You can imagine how dirty and smudged these door handles can get. Not to mention all the finger print marks. Nothing that a can of ‘Never Dull’ couldn’t fix though. This took a while to complete b/c it wasn’t just shining. You had to buff it afterwards, to ensure any stray fingerprints would be kept to a minimum.

“Field Day the Stair Well Ops”
This was one of the more wretched duties they would assign to us if they found us sitting around, not doing anything. This detail was horrible. The 2 dirty ass stairwells that connected the hanger from the upper offices had to be spick and span. For a white glove inspection by the Duty Chief Officer of the Day. And after our detail, if our quality of work did not live up to pristine expectations, the Duty Chief would give us an additional 2-4 hrs to correct the discrepancies. Sometimes he wouldn’t come back to inspect untill the end of the day. Did I forget to mention this was a stairwell? Why a stairwell has to pass a white glove inspection is beyond my realm of comprehension. But nonetheless, it had to be done. And after doing this once, I was damned if I was going to be forced into doing this type of shit again.

Random Notes - January 30, 2009

There’s a lot to say about what you don’t have. A lot of reasons, a lot of circumstance. But at the end of the day, you can’t move forward if you keep looking back. Don’t let the fear of the unknown spoil the motivation or the optimism that exists because there’s no good reason why it shouldn’t always be there, abundantly present. And regardless of anything else, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. The value of integrity and peace of mind is worth more than anything that could ever be handwritten or manmade. Everything happens for a reason, that’s a given. Sometimes though, the reasons don’t always happen to make sense.

Moving (on)
Everything is in boxes. Everything is so different. Trying so hard to stay busy, but the weight of this box is getting too heavy. Why can’t I do this, it isn’t that hard… But the more that I analyze, the more frustrating things get.
Difficult, Challenging, sad, lonely, depressed, frustrated, indecisive, scared, nonchalant, melancholy, sticking out, stressing out, bitching, complaining…..
Laughing, trying, crying, high fiving, smiling, joking, singing, thinking, dreaming, planning, praying…..

Foreword
You can’t control your emotions but your actions and reactions are 100% voluntary. Nothing worthwhile is easy because to me, the things that matter the most, like the accomplishments that I’m most proud of, and the people and beliefs that I actually care about àare all a derivative, from some kind of challenge. I don’t actively seek adversity but sometimes it’s necessary because sometimes, the only way to get motivation is from self-induced positive reinforcement




Read more: http://www.myspace.com/bankzblog/blog#ixzz0wXgohXB3

Beautiful - July 15, 2009

(This was written of at my peak of my depression period. It's almost embarrasing to post this in a public forum, but the words were real, the feeling was real, and sometimes my best shit comes in the form of a not-normal mindset)

Stuck in this miserable – isolated – place by myself
So difficult – when you all you ever wanted –
Becomes more than what you could have wished for in the beginning

And now looking back – there’s no inbetween – a rock and a hard place
Distancing everything – until there’s nothing left – to hold on close to

Sometimes on the outside –
The inside’s filled with so much sanctimonious discontent –
And the only disconnect – worth fighting for – worth remembering –
Are the fallen wings on a distant angel

Its hard to look forward to waking up -
When the only thing worth anticipating is the grand finale of just another day to look down on

Because the dreams are so vivid – everyone is together – just like before – back when time would just standstill – then suddenly – the ringing of the alarm clock – is the sounding of a new day – and there’s no going back to – those feelings of yesterday

Blinded by insecurities – afraid to start anything worthwhile or not –
Because eventually, everything good always seems to go away swiftly.
It’s pointless to try if you don’t believe in the cause –
And just because you’re out of the woods –
Trees are still falling –
And if you listen closely, you’ll hear me

The pills and the drugs may help conceal sadness –
Momentarily stopping the bleeding -
But no amount of band aids - are going to heal the scars –
Norms are jaded to the point where all the once vibrant colors –
Are now simply subjectively viewed -
As painstakingly bland shades of grey –

I don’t care to go home – there’s no where to run to -
I don’t want to feel sympathy, there’s no feelings to hide –
I just want to become – a reason for others to argue upon –
Because finding attention is like masterbating –
To the point where all the feeling turns to numbness –
And the climax is a perfect nightcap –
The only vice that keeps on giving - shades of grey –
Because nothing really matters – on the grand scale of a hand me down wardrobe.

Stone Washed Jeans and Best Practices - July 23, 2009

(This is about my struggle with prescription meds and feeling sorry for completely alienating myself from the outside world)



Although it sounds condescending, I don’t mean to be distant –
Its never on purpose – why I chose to ignore all the attention

The calls and text messages – emails and IMs –
Shout outs and thank yous – and everything inbetween

But now I got my feet set – on some firm, solid ground –
it just took me a while to turn the – perception around

Like I got something else better – than to pay you some time –
So selfish of me – to play hard to find

But please don’t give up on me now – I need the encouragement –
Not afraid to admit – that I wasn’t able to originally work with it.

Expectations have been lowered and the standards may have faltered
But how do you say sorry for something so awkward?

Oblivious to common sense connotations -
Weakened by feelings of insecure resignation

Reality becomes a commercial – a never ending circle –
Of forgotten intensions –
Followed by faulty claims that don’t need to be mentioned here –
That propaganda goes elsewhere…

Not at this time – not in these nursery rhymes –
It’s a hard pill to swallow, realism defined.
Symbolic depictions of how these prescription meds can make me feel so dependent.
On solving the problems instead of just treating them.
And trying to find out why I ever said that I needed them.
Embracing change can be scary, like how do you appreciate the beautiful struggle?

"Let go of fear and forget about yesterday’s troubles.
Remember the victories and build on that karma.
Opportunities will become much more apparent with having that type of persona –
All because someone wasn’t afraid to give it a go.
No reason to question why seasons of increase are still pending delivery.
Look around everywhere, it’s already here."

This is who we are - July 30, 2009

I am an artist
I am a poet
I am obnoxious
I am a soldier

I am a trend setter
I am a rock star
I am genius
And I am a villain

I am a specialist
I am a comedian
But I am a shy kid

Lost in a world…. of beautiful make believe



Read more: http://www.myspace.com/bankzblog/blog#ixzz0wXdLkfhN

Freestyle - October 12, 2009

oct12 2009
............................................................................


Looks like we’re back N the saddle again –
back 2 the same old way it began –
Back when the mood was a little bit calmer –
Back when the weather was a little bit warmer –
And although the shit may get me down from time to time –
I’ll never forget 2 remember the times –
Back when solutions were as simple as rhyming –
Back when team marshbanks had impeccable timing –
Seemed like 4ever and a day ago –
B4 the prescription pill popping adderall stage –
B4 the never ever ending story of anxiety weighed –
Down my frame of mind like a big of bricks –
Like the bid bad wolf coming to blow my house down -
Expecting the worse but I do expect it to get better somehow.

Got my head held high flying strong like a kite r
The pilot has spoken, and everyone’s free to move about the cabin –
It’s been a long lonely walk down that on-going aisle way –
But it’s okay for all to see freely –
Even if its like an empty picture frame on a naked white wall –
I’m still 10 feet standing tall and bullet proof –
And trust me, the bullets are popping -
Like the headaches I get from stopping cold turkey –
But what hurts me now will make me stay stronger -
From the good to the bad– the rise and the fall –
It never gets easy to give everything -
Have you ever been a part of something – that you thought would never end, but then of course it did?


But I’ll never give up, I’ll always give it my all –
Because that’s all that I have right now to fall back on –
Effort and attitude –
Creativity is the key to changing the mood swings –
A little straight forward –
Because the bull’s eye is in sight now –
Right now more than ever –
One giant target and its like nothing else in this world really matters –
And not even this shitty weather is going to be enough to keep me down –
Cause I got my focus set on that big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Still trying to find solid footing -
Cause right now I’m just getting my feet wet –
One foot at a time -
Because if you don’t stand for something you’ll sink like a stone -
Says the great bob Dylan on my 10 second ring tone.
And it doesn’t matter that nobody is calling me back –
They all know me by name –
And I know my calling card is long overdue for a comeback –
All those setbacks were minimal –
And today is one big giant step forward –
In the right direction –
My mind may be broken by all the years of self inflicted rejection –
But my body and good looks are still holding strong
From all the years of perfecting –
My craft on the daily –
But too much ADD meds have got me feeling cracked pretty lately –
Kind of like a crack whore -
Because instead of just sleeping I’ve been up for the past 4 –
Nights or days I can’t really determine the difference –
Because the focus was bottled up like the bottle of pills that used to be stuck my medicine cabinet.

But thank God for bathrooms, that what toilets were for -
Thank you God for helping me flush away another bad habit.
"And now I see the change in me was pushing you away"


Far far away from the isolate destitute –
That used to exist on 901 argyle street.
As this new season of increase begins -
Im not going to need any hugs, drugs, or gay pop culture trends –
To follow because I set the standards for all those to wallow in –
10 years later and I’m still not relaxing them –
Standards.
So follow my lead and forget all the shit that we used to get hot about.
So In case ya’ll were wondering these are my whereabouts. Bot.

Mantra - November 9, 2009

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have made some big mistakes. And the way I used to see things was so diluted that my vision became severely impaired. And I lost the passion. And I lost the focus. But through all my struggles and personal demons, I’ve accomplished so much more than I thought I ever would be able to achieve. Mistakes can be blessings in disguise. I’ve never had to rely so much on my inner faith to help pull me through these outer doors. It’s the faith - or the expectation - that God did not bring me this far for me to fall flat on my face and never bounce back. I don’t consider myself a very religious person but I do believe in God, or positive energy – and karma. And I believe that by focusing on the positive energy, all things can be possible. But in order for it to happen, you first have to expect that it will.

I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me. That has become my mantra. I say it before I come into work. I say it every time I’m about to lift another insurmountable amount of weight that would otherwise look intimidating. And I’m not just taking about the weight room. I’ve learned to recognize challenges. But instead of expecting the worse, I anticipate the opportunity. The opportunity to grow and the opportunity to once again, jump out of my comfort zone and show somebody a different side of me. Although I might be lonely sometimes, I’m not scared anymore. Because by the grace of God, good fortune, or whatever you want to call it, I have come to the understanding – that my best days are coming – and they’re right here in front of me.

Freestyle - December 2009

Winter dawns these darkened days
Been drawn in to these backward ways
For way too long. Way too long.
And now the dust is finally settling
Better grab the kindling and start upselling
Backpedaling, swimming upstream
Meanwhile the all-around surrounding is so damn obscene
It's a 'me first' world in this place with no stop
Anti-socially accepted by those with the most
Cages and scapegoats, and sugar coated eskimos
Those are the means that are handled by few
A trash talking mindset - A ridiculous concept
Divided we all stand United in gloom
The perfect girl seems light years away
Am I blackened by destiny or will things be okay?
Eventually
If I had more patience things wouldn't be the subject of so much scrutiny.
Hanging on by the threads of futility
Still got the ADD in my head and it's killing me
That a pill can solve problems
Like it or not, half the world's on them.
Only if I had better parents…
Wait a minute, let me paraphrase that statement
If I had more favor, instead of hand me down nightmares
That come in all shapes, all forms and all flavors
Things may be a bit different
Inherently sure of it
But when compared to the majority
Only a fraction compares to what's really holding me close to it.
Excuses are assholes but I still got to roll with them.
So bored - during this lonesome time - a troubled mind - looking into the future - and the days look foggy - Because the times are hardly - a reason to jump out of bed for - or a goal to shoot high for
High all of the time - can't get any higher - spark up the red lighter - and pack a new bowl - inhale the anticipation - exhale the frustration - pop in a dinger - and let your mind feel the warmth
Not thinking about discrepancies - pretending to feel exctasy - it's always escaping me - why is this is so valued?
I know there is a God - and I know he can hear me
I'm calling out for you now - I need you right here
To help take this negative energy out of me
And help me see - what I know I can have - if I just let it go I’m so indecisive sometimes I don’t know what I want
A million different things I guess
But at the end of the day will I always be searching
For something better
What If the best is already in front of me?
And I just can't see it?
I've been through so many challenges during my travels
I've learned from each one.
This is the greatest challenge because I am so close.
I'm so close to something I really want.
I have faith that right now I can decide how my perception is going to take it.
Don't let the past play a trend into the future.
The future is now
And I'm downloading it as we speak.

The McDonaldization of my Affection - January 2, 2010

It’s easy to find fault within negative things
Reading in between the lines, if you know what I mean
Nothing will ever be perfect if you don’t believe it to be
Or believe in the chance that it could happen, possibly
It’s easy to feel discouraged in a malnourished world
But I know that deep down inside I have the talent that swirls
Positive energy…call it God, call it whatever you will
Definitions really don’t matter, it’s what’s inside that is real
This believe system founded on solid principles
Backed with above average credentials…
Decent good looks with charisma to match
Got too many things going to right now - to bury the hatchet
To sit and be stagnant….while life passes me by
Fuck that shit man I got to get up and try
And like a magnet I just need to attract some much needed attention
Because like attracts like
And what I’d like right now is for a hottie to match some
Make that all of my standards
Not superficial but unique in their own way
Kind of like mcdonalds, hot off the grill and you can have it your own way.

A New Beginning - January 10, 2010

No missed calls – No text messages – another day in the books – sometimes its so difficult finding ways to stay positive – but I can’t give up – I have to have faith that better days will soon come to pass…

"No matter how hard the road seems to appear…..just know that God is by your side….as long as you keep the faith in Him, He will not let you fail….although you may be broke you are not broken…although you may feel lonely, you are not alone…. "

God please comfort me….sometimes I just want to break down and cry….I’m not depressed, just impatient….Please give me the patience to let things mature….I gave it my best today…and tomorrow I will do it again…everyday, every hour, every minute, every second….never giving up hope because I know good things will come eventually….

So I continue to push….continue to push myself to the brink of exhaustion….everyday…all to escape the lonely confines of this dirty apartment….

It may be cold right out right now but soon things will get brighter….i may be lonely right now but soon I’ll soon find what I’m looking for….my standards will not falter….i don’t mind waiting….i know I have what it takes….to score that perfect 10 bombshell….to get that raise….to pay off this debt….to get that 6 pack….

2009 was the worst year ever by far…but with all the setbacks and disappointments….now is the time to start making a comeback….no obstacle is too great….no mountain is too heavy….as God as my witness….I’m going to climb this mountain….and when I get to the top….it’s times like these….that will make everything seem worthwhile…..i can’t wait to bask in the moment….like 2005 when I was in Australia….everyday I was grateful to be in that place…..

Now I’m in a much different place….5 years have passed but my outlook stays the same….It hasn’t always been a bed of roses….and sometimes it feels like I’m sleeping in a bed of thorns….and sometimes I have bad dreams where everyone’s laughing at me….a miserable failure…..in the eyes of my peers…..if they only knew how much passion I have….and how much I want to become successful….well it’s no longer a bad dream….I’m going to make it my reality….slowly but surely I’m going to rise to the top….and when I get there I can finally sleep peacefully…but until then….this journey….this long, lonely, depressing journey is going to make me stronger…..better, faster, stronger….than I’ve ever been before…..i thank God for these challenges…..and I don’t care how many times I fall down…..because every day I wake up….I’m that much stronger, that much bolder, that much wiser….to be able to handle all the adversity…..that life throws in front of me….

But regardless of all else, my mindset, my outlook, my demeanor….will continue to remain steadfast, headstrong, and brutally positive…..no matter what…..a true solider at heart….sometimes encouragement is hard to find…..and its times like these when I have to make something out of nothing….pour out my guts and hammer the point home…..i can’t change the past….but with a little hard work….my future will become like a rear view mirror….objects in mirror are closer than they really appear.

Freestyle - August 13, 2010

So this is it, this is what I’ve been given - Sitting in my room – cold, alone and I’m shiverin’
Cause even misery can creep – straight up outta this 100 degree heat – and even when I’m blazed I can feel the warmth of the cold streets – reminiscing about the days in Chicago – almost four years, where the hell did they all go? It’s like the immaturity seeped right outta my damn soul – and I’m so…
Anxious and oblivious to what the future holds for me
Almost kind of scared now – Getting pretty ornery
All my friends have girlfriends, drug habits, or wife and kids
And im stuck with jealousy, and sticky fingertips – salivating at a moment’s notice
Losing my focus faster than a magician can say Hocus Pokus
Here we are now - this is my reality. Although I don’t want to be here, I know God has laid out plans for me. It’s just a matter of being patient. No matter how easy it seems, I can’t be complacent. And I may be old, but I’ll never be ancient – history. All the memories of easier moments – combined with the challenges, mountains and unmovable boulders – but doesn’t matter how the premise was proposed – it’s time to start over. What matters most? Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. Well I must have a mental disorder. Because happiness seems so far away right now.

March Soundtrack by Team Marshbanks

Lil Wayne – Shoot me Down
Eminem – Microphone (Feat. Royce)
Playaz Circle – Duffle Bag Boy (Travis Barker Remix)
Deadmau 5 – Ghosts N Stuff
Johnny Cash – Ain’t No Grave
Surfer Blood – Anchorage
Kanye West – Homecoming
Obie Trice – Got Hungry
Flo-Rida – Low (Travis Barker Remix)
Rich Boy – Throw Some D’s (Travis Barker Remix)
Eminem – 3 AM (Travis Barker Remix)
Kasabian – Underdog
The Temper Trap – Science of Fear
British India – Vanilla
Lady Gaga – Paparazzi
Wintermints – Schoolyard
Lapush – Quit You Now
Kanye West – Never Let me Down
Lapush – Say Something

The toughest kind of strength there is

by Ric Marshbanks


Things have been challenging the past few weeks. Sometimes it feels like I’m just walking N place, not getting N E where. The frustrations of the job R starting 2 outweigh the things that I like about it. Worrying about money always $uck$. Worrying about everything kind of sucks.
I don’t know Y I worry so much. I know God is on my side and I know that my faith N Him is stronger than any collection of fears that I may have.

I wish I had more confidence N my own abilities. Sometimes it feels like I’m in a shark tank and everyone is out 2 get me. Then I put up my shield – a defense mode – and draw back. But I push out at the same time. Sometimes almost despirately and abruptly in defense of my own self ego– or lack of self confidence.

I don’t ever want 2 get used 2 being lonely. I don’t ever want 2 give up hoping 4 something, or somebody I know is right around the corner. I know that opportunities never go away. But if I stop hoping 4 them – stop expecting 4 them 2 happen, stop believing that God will bring them 2 pass, the less frequent the opportunities will B.

I hate showing weakness but I’m not afraid 2 show my weaknesses. Because humility gives me inner strength. And working out gives me outer strenght. And believing N God gives me spiritual strength. The toughest kind of strength there is…

.

10 min of frustration

I hate shit man I got no more creativity
Positively speaking I feel like I’m sinking
Suffering from being down in the slumps in the lonely apartment
I wish I could sleep away the harm that my whole fucking body breathes
Another weekend wasted away
Another day spent in hiding
Disguising the colors of darkness and grey

So hungry so poor – not in materials but in spirit
Got to get out more often
Things always look bleak when you look from the bottom
But it’s like the top of the mountain
Is so fucking far away
But every so often
I feel the warmth of a warm summer afternoon
No worries in the world
Like a kid in his mother’s womb
Gloom and misery has always been such a good friend to me
As the frustration pours through these pores
As my anger is souring to epic proportions
At the end of the Day
I’ll just be asleep

Top 10 College Krunkness

#10
Top 10 College Krunkness
October 2004: The Maddocks Makes an Appearance the 2 that Got Away

Ever since the 10th grade, Aaron Maddock has been one of my best boys. That all changed last Saturday in Memphis. I guess we're all grown up now and I was honored to be one of his best men for his wedding. But before he decided to catch morals, he was fuckin crazy. He still is fuckin crazy today, just to a lesser extent and for shorter durations. Anywho, we've always made it a point to get together at least once a year. This time was no different. I’m usually the one to make the trip to Memphis but that year I talked the Maddocks into coming up to Michigan. This is where the difference b/t friends and acquaintances come into play. Whenever the Maddocks and I get together and regardless of whatever city we're in, we always have a fucking blast.

The first night of the Maddock's week long stay was the craziest of them all. My buddies Matt and Joe were in Sig Eps, the biggest fraternity here at Western. SigEps was throwing a bash that night and I thought it sounded like a good idea to go there. We arrived kinda late but at least we were completely fit shased by the time we got there. Since it was so late, the crowd was beginning to die down. By no means were we going to let the number of other people put a damper on our good time…

The music was still kickin but nobody was shakin their ass on the dance floor. This is where the the Maddocks came in. He chose to break the monotony of middle school-like dance floor of the SigEps house. He quickly took center stage, spinning and twirling, and grabbing random freshmen girls and making them look like a million bucks on the dance floor.

Much to the chagrin of the conglomeration of choched out frat tools cringing in the corner,.the girls were bedazzled by the Maddocks assertiveness (aggressiveness). It didn't take long for the SigEps head choch (president) to come up to the Maddocks and tell him to tone it down a bit. Billy Badass told him alot of his boys were pissed at the way he was manhandling their girlfriends on the makeshift dance floor…

Asking the Maddocks to tone it down is like asking a blind person what color something is. Bottom line: the guys got extreme ADD and it's only going to piss off the Maddocks more if you tell him to "hey tone it down a bit buddy". After the little talk, the Maddocks only got more aggressive. He never actually fondled or touched any of the girls on the dance floor though, that's his style. He only makes it look like he is. That's how he pulls em in. That's what he told me anyway…

Whatever the case, the head choch became fed up and told us to leave. Aaron got into a verbal altercation with him. What happened next is vintage Maddocks. “Im the store manager of AT&T, I have a career. You’re still trying to find out what you want to be in life.”
How you supposed to answer that? Luckily, Matt and Joe and I came over to break up the argument. Aaron and I eventually left the lame ass party and we had a three mile walk ahead of us…

We were about two blocks away from my house when we spotted a couple of slutty looking girls who were sitting on the curb across the street. We were still pretty buzzed up so we thought this would be as good of a time as any to talk some smack. By this time, it was like 3 in the morning and we had nothing to lose, except for our pride and dignity (which would later end up being unceremoniously shattered).

We came up to them and like always, Aaron did all the talking. These two girls were freshmen and were pretty wasted. They left a party and had no idea how to get back to their dorm room. We decided to be good Samaritans and escort them back to the dorms which were about two miles away. Both these girls were into us right from the get go. It took us twice as long than it usually takes to get back b/c we were too busy making pit stops along the way. You get the idea. Why we just didn’t just go back to my house, I don’t know. Like Red Bull and NyQuil, I guess common sense and alcohol really don't mix. Anywho, we really thought we would score with these two insert your adjectives here…

On the way back to their dorm room, we decided to stop in Mickey Ds and grab a little late night/early morning snack. I suppose this is when they caught morals. While the Maddocks was in line ordering egg McMuffins with extra sausage, the rest of us went bathroom. When I came back from the taking a leak, the girls were nowhere to be seen. The Maddocks thought I was talking to them and when I informed him I had not seen the girls, he went into full panic mode.
“We have to go find them!” he said. I objected vehemently. My theory was they probably sobered up and decided to ditch us.
“Fuck that! We gotta go find them. Mabee something happened to them!” Fuck it, I decided to forgo whatever dignity I had left and follow Aaron on what I thought would be a wild (hoochie) goose chase.

We were running through the WMU plaza when we came to the east hallway. Since it was so late in the night, all the doors were locked. As their bad luck would have it, there were the two girls, frantically trying to pry open the locked door of the Bronco Mall food court.

“Hey whats up? We thought we lost you. Where are you guys going?” queried the Maddocks.
They made up some bullshit story about how one of them suddenly got really sick and puked and needed to go right away. It was so funny listening to this that I almost lost it right then and there. By now I knew there would be no chance in hell we would get any nookie out of them. But the Maddocks coaxed them to go outside and have a smoke …mabee a smoke would make her feel better?

So we go outside and have a smoke. The Maddocks and I sit down on a dirty ass curb (similar to the one we found them on) and the two girls are standing next to us. Everything is good. The girls tell us they need to talk amongst themselves so they walk about fifty yards down, huddle up, and begin to form plan B. Suddenly, both girls take off like a bat out of hell, sprinting towards their dorm room which was about 100 yards away. The Maddocks and I get up and chase after them…

We get to the front door and its locked. We both look at each other and start cracking up. Like I said, the Maddocks and I are always gonna have a good time, everyime, regardless...


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#9
Top 10 College Krunkness
Fall Semester 2005: Intro to Sociology

This is one college experience that actually involves the classroom. For the most part, class was always one of the things I disliked the most about my time at WMU. But Soc 200 was one of the few classes that I actually enjoyed going to. This is because the professor actually enjoyed teaching. He didn’t bore us with social theory or have us memorize pointless definitions. Instead, his class was like one big group discussion on various social problems confronting our society.

Controversial topics such as poverty, healthcare, white collar crime, rascism, and gender roles were just some of the many issues discussed. None of these discussions were pertinent to the test questions though. It was almost like the prof chose to devote the entire hour of class time to issues that affect us now or will affect us sometime in the future. He even made it a point to tell us he doesn’t care if we come to class or not. Since the discussions were basically irrelevant to the material we were tested over, it was pointless to attend class. We were tested on definitions from the book that we never read.

The funny thing was there was never an empty seat. People who came in late were sometimes forced to stand because all the chairs would be filled. I’ve never seen anything like this. The prof would start an argument and leave it up to us to end it. He was the perfect moderator. Not once did the prof tell us if we were right or wrong on our stand.

What made this class special was that the prof would simply point out both sides of an issue and he would leave it up to determine its subjective nature. I learned a lot in that class and so did everyone else, I think. I learned that sometimes the best way to gain knowledge about the world is not to scan through a textbook with a highlighter or to memorize definitions, but to listen to how other people view the world and the problems that they encounter when they do not have the means to live as good as the rest of us…


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#8
Top 10 College Krunkness
October 2005: WMU vs. Ball St. Home Game

During my first 2 years of college I had not attended one single home football game (WMU football that is). This was mainly due to the fact that I was either having parties at my house or going to a buddies’ house to tailgate. By the time the games started, I was usually so shit faced that going to the game itself seemed pointless since they do not serve ice cold Pabst Blue Ribbon or any other kind of alcoholic beverage at Waldo Stadium.

Besides, the Michigan game was usually on. I would much rather watch the Wolverines kick ass on TV than watch my alma matter get their asses handed to them live and in person. All that changed this year, however.

I was working an internship as a member of the WMU Football film crew. What started off as an interesting experience ended up being more of a headache than anything else. But on the plus side, I did get to actually film a couple of Westerns games. The cool thing about this was, I didn’t sit up in the press. I shot highlight footage straight from the sidelines.

I was pretty much given free access to roam the sidelines and film whatever I thought to be a good shot. This was because my boss had zero faith in me that I would be able to film from any other standard point of view, including filming from the press box.

This game was memorable because it was the best game I had ever seen, live or otherwise. WMU ended up losing this thriller after 5 overtimes and I was there to capture every minute of it! Both teams showcased their offensive firepower and WMU WR Greg Jennings had the best individual performance I had ever seen on a football field. He had something like 250 receiving yards, 4 total touchdowns: 2 touchdown catches, one touchdown off a punt return and he even threw for a touchdown.

The game was finally over around midnight and by that time the majority of the fans in Waldo Stadium had already left to go to the bars or house parties. They ended up missing a truly remarkable ending to an awesome game and after it was all said and done, I was glad I was there to witness history in the making.

Later, I filmed the post-game interviews with WMUs coaches and players and for once, I felt like an important part of the team. To see the players and coaches emotional reactions following their tight loss was something that I will never forget.

In the aftermath, they turned a negative into a positive, and the WMU football team ended up having a good season with a respectable 7-4 record. I will also never forget witnessing the spectacular playmaking ability of one Greg Jennings, and how he would singlehandedly take over games, the likes of which I had not seen since the mid 1990s when Deion Sanders used to play for the Atlanta Falcons.


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#7
Top 10 College Krunkness
Summer 2004: Dormin’ It and the S.F.S.

I owe a partial debt of gratitude to the wonderful students working the doors at the Henry, Valley I and Valley II cafeterias.

You see, I was initially disappointed because I would not have the opportunity to partake in the full college experience because I never lived in the dorms. Because of the wonderful students working the cafeteria halls as well as the scandalous shenanigans of one Chris Jukubiak, I can
now say my college experience has been fulfilled.

The first year of college is crucial. This is when many students meet the people whom they will be hanging out and partying with throughout the duration of their time at college. It was on a hot summer afternoon after my first full year of college when I was introduced to the most money-saving scam of all time: free food at the dorms.

It all started innocently enough. After a drunken night of partying, I woke up on my neighbors filthy, beer stained, living room floor. A wild night of drinking brings a great degree of hunger to everybody and this time was no different. When my neighbors Chris and Joe woke up, they were hungry as well. Their friend Megan showed up shortly thereafter and we were confronted with a crisis that almost every college student will face at some point in time. We were all starving and we were all broke.

It was at this moment when Chris let us all in on a little secret. It doesnt matter if you live in the dorms. It doesn’t even matter if you have a meal plan. As long as you have a Western ID, you can eat at the dorms for free. All you do is give your card to the student working the cafeteria door and pretend that you have a meal plan. 9 times out of 10, they don’t care if your card is denied.

What incentive do they have to stop people from eating? It’s not like they get extra reimbursement if they turn students away. Most of the time, they’ll just say something like, “Ok this is the last time I’m going to let you in” or “make sure you get your card fixed for next time.” If, by some chance, the person working the door is intent on not letting you in, all you have to do is go to one of the 5 or 6 other entrances and try the your luck again. The odds are in your favor. Eventually, somebody nice will let you in.

The first time I got in, I was beside myself. All this time, Chris was eating for free and saving a ton of money in the process. Why buy groceries when you can eat for free? So here we are, the four of us all giving the same excuse, “My card isn’t working, is there any way you can let me in just this once?”

I thought to myself, there was no way this was ever going to work. One or two of us might get in but not all four of us…The first couple times we tried, we were denied. We were all discouraged but Chris being the motivator he is, would not let this get in the way of our goal.

The third time we tried the dorm scam, the lady at the door denied us. Chris then told her that we were all members of the WMU SFS….The Student Food Services Organization. He told her she had to let us in so we could critique the quality of the food and report our findings back to our supervisor.

The lady didn’t know what to do! With a puzzled look on her face, she finally let us in. It was hard to hold in the laughter and we finally let it loose once we sat down and started pounding down breakfast. Shortly thereafter, the cafeteria manager approached our table. He knew we were full of shit but he let us eat anyway. “It was a pretty clever excuse,” he said.

Since that fateful mid-summer afternoon, I had been eating for free ever since. I took Chris’ original free food scam and patented it. Because in order for it to be successful I had to outline some of the ground rules. I don’t go everyday and I never go to the same cafeteria twice. I also rarely bring any food home with me. After all, that would be bad karma.

As my college career progressed, me and my buddy Pat McCrack would make it a point to meet up at least 3-4 times per week at the caf halls. It made for a good time for us to catch up and bullshit, plus we were eating for free which made our weekly lunchtime rendezvous even more fulfilling, full pun intended.

During my 3rd and final year of college, I had keeping a tally of how many times I ate at the dorms and how many times I was denied. The record was 35-3. Out of 38 attempts, I was only denied 3 times. I learned that sometimes the best excuse to give is an honest one. If the person asked me why my card doesn’t work, I'd simply tell them I didn't have a meal plan. I’m just a hungry college student who can’t afford to buy groceries. All in all, I probably saved around $1000 by eating at the dorms. Better than that, I made a couple of really good friends in the process.


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#6
Top 10 College Krunkness
November 2004: Fait, Cockpit Parties, and the 17 yr Old Virgin

I usually dig girls who are a bit younger than me but this time even I had to ask myself, “What the fuck am I doing?”

Number 6 on the list is actually a combination of several instances during my first year at Western. As luck would have it, my first year of college turned out great. I didn’t know anybody coming in. I was a complete random. The only people I knew at the time was my ex girlfriend whom I didn’t particularly care for, and a mutual friend who I just met a couple months earlier on Spring Break.

It was July 2003, and I was frantically searching for places to live. My ex offered to chauffer me around the area as I had a list of only 4 options or people who needed an extra roommate. Mind you, I discovered all of these openings on-line and needless to say, I was a little skeptical that I would end up in a good situation.

I remember that the first couple of options were terrible. The first option was a couple who lived far away from campus who needed a mature, quiet roommate. Scratch that one. The second option was a 19 year old skater punk who lived in a filthy shithole in the ghetto of Kalamazoo who needed four other people to help pay rent. No buys brother! The third option was 1420 W. Michigan Ave.

Once I saw the stripper pole I was sold. The 4 kids seemed to be real cool and so were their neighbors. The neighbor’s house was known around campus as “The Cockpit” and was the focal point of many memorable tailgate and house parties. During my first year, I got to know my neighbors really well as they would always throw weekend keg parties. Since they all knew me, I always got to drink for free!!

Another bonus was the proximity between their house and mine. Another bonus was, how should I say, the stupid girls who get completely plastered only to wake up the next morning, in my bed!

Well, this one time I managed to convince this hottie to come home with me. It was pretty easy to convince her, actually. Her older sister was dating my neighbor Joe. The younger sister really didn’t have anywhere to sleep, so being the nice guy that I am, I decided to share mine with her.

I remember hitting it off with her right away. We were like peas and carrots. Okay enough of the corny cliques, but you get the idea. Chalk another one up on the Marshbanks wall of shame, or so I thought. Towards the end of the night and as this girl and I were on our way out the door en route to my Queen size bed, Chris came up to me and was like, Be careful dude, shes only 17!

No way, I thought. She had tits the size of Brandy Taylor. “No way” I said to him. “He’s probably just jealous that I’m going to bang her and he’s not,” I thought.
Then Joe came up to me and confirmed what I had hoped was a fallacy. This left me stuck between a rock and a hard place, full pun intended. I didn’t want to tell her, “No you can’t sleep in my bed because you’re only 17”. That would be mean…

I would feel bad if she had to sleep on the Cockpits disgusting davenport. That couch was filthy. This was one of the rare times in my life when my conscious got the best of me. We did end up sharing my bed. However, there was no way I was going to attempt to find out what goods were lurking underneath those sexy pink panties. I was pretty drunk but I was not stupid. They say two heads are better than one but unfortunately, the two of mine were arguing all night long. In the end I made the right decision. It didn’t matter though, my friends still ragged on me for the next two weeks straight for robbing the cradle…


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#5
Top 10 College Krunkness
October 2004: Halloween Undefeated Streak and the Walk of Shame

Funny story here… Before college, Halloween was never a cause for much celebration. It probably ranked somewhere between Memorial Day and Thanksgiving. This all changed in college, however.

In college, Halloween is an event like no other. A spectacle of sorts….Halloween is an excuse for all girls – even non attractive ones - to dress up in their sexiest, sleaziest, most sluttiest outfits imaginable. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to get too creative with trying to find a good costume to wear. I had an old US Coast Guard flight suite collecting dust in the corner of my closet. Back when I was in active duty, I used to volunteer as the ‘dummy’ during some of the search and rescue ops over Traverse City. That’s how I acquired the flight suite….

On any other day of the year, I would look absolutely ridiculous in this outfit. It didn’t help matters any that this outfit was like 2 sizes too small and you could practically see the outline of my lower region stuffed ever so tightly in the one piece suite.

This is why Halloween will now be forever embedded in my memory of one of my favorite holidays of all time - Not because I enjoy having the outline of my penis and balls exposed for the whole world to see. On the contrary, I love Halloween because for one day a year, I officially become superpimp! It’s funny how it took so long for me to discover exactly how much chicks dig a guy in uniform.

I think what helped my case was the fact that I didn’t have to bullshit them. I did serve in the Coast Guard for 4.5 years. I might have embellished a bit about being a rescue swimmer and so forth, but who cares? 50% of what I told them was true and as far as I’m concerned, that’s 30-40% more truth than what I usually say.

Sorry, I got off pace a little bit…. Back to the main point. The main point is I got laid both times I dressed up like a pilot. The significance of this is that I didn’t get laid on a consistent basis throughout my college career. Sure, I pulled in a random from time to time, but it was a consistent thing. Not like I had a girlfriend or anything….

That is why this experience is so significant to me. It is also significant b/c of the not-so memorable events that took place the following morning the first time I donned the Coast Guard pilot outfit – MY WALK OF SHAME

Okay, I was at a random house party and (much to my friends’ dismay) I went back to this chick’s apartment. No worries, I thought. So we do the dirty and pass out…When I woke up the next morning, I was in total shock.

We’ve all been there before, you know when you wake up next to someone and you want to bite your own arm off just to get away. Needless to say, Im not a very good judge when I’m 15 keg cups deep. By this, I mean the chick next to me was hideous. She had a nice body and everything but her face looked like a volcano.

Okay, I thought to myself, I’ll just get up and leave. Unfortunately, I had to wake her up b/c she was sleeping under my arm – hence the whole armbiter reference earlier. At least she offered to take me home. She had to work in an hour and my house was on the way.

Fair enough. I’ll go back to sleep and she’ll wake me up once she’s ready to leave. To quote Lee Corso, “Not so fast, my friend”.

After a 10 minute shower, she comes back in the room to dry her hair. The loud ass noise of the hair dryer woke me up and there was no way I would be able to get back to sleep. What was worse than that is she was talking to me; she would not shut up.

What the hell was there to talk about you ask? I have no idea. I’m a random. She’s a random. We got wasted. We did the dirty... Anywho, her roommate overhead us talking and came in to see what was going on. So, I’m lying there naked underneath the sheets while this random is introducing me to this other random who is not cute.

What’s worse than that is she didn’t leave the room. The two of these girls were coversating back and forth for what seemed like forever and I’m sitting in this random bed with a pounding ass headache wondering if this can get any worse. Well, it did.

The random finally finished getting ready and I put my Coast Guard Pilot costume back on, ready to take that walk of shame. It was no longer Halloween, and I didn’t exactly feel like Superpimp anymore. To make matters worse, when we go to leave the room, there is her roommates’ entire family sitting there in the living room staring at me. She obviously met them all before as she proceeded to introduce me to everybody: the mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, and uncle. “Hello everybody”. Bot.

After the awkward introductions, I just put my head down and hoped to God we would get to leave soon. After 10 agonizing minutes of dialogue between everybody, excluding myself, we finally left. I didn’t even remember the random’s name but she still made it a point to introduce me to her roommate and her entire family.

It would not have been nearly as miserable had it not been the fact that I was still wearing the USCG flight suite from the previous night, not to mention I probably looked like I had just escaped from a POW concentration camp!

Throughout the long drive back to my house, the only words that came out of my mouth were the directions on how to get back to my house. When she finally did get me home, I didn’t thank her or ask for her number. Hell, I didn’t even know her name. I said “I’ll see ya around.” Thank God I never did


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#4
Top 10 College Krunkness
November 2004: Option B, Jello Wrestling, the Threesome that never was, and forever ruining my chances with Jessica Simpson and the Hot Julie.

This is a good one.
One of my favorite classes of all time was COM 210: Intro to Telecommunications. Not because I liked the teacher, not because I was interested in the coursework, but because I was interested in the two knockout hotties who I sat next to.

I was really into the one who sat on my left, she looked like Jessica Simpson. No lie, this chick was a blonde bombshell. She was one of the hottest chicks I’ve ever seen at Western and trust me, I’ve seen a lot. As the semester dragged on, we started talking and we hung out a handful of times after class. I knew right from the get go that I was going to have to invest a lot of time into this one because she was totally high maintenance. By that I mean she always did herself up.

This class was a 10AM class and she always had her hair and makeup done perfect and she always wore real nice clothes – high heels, the whole nine yards
Our relationship was progressing slower than I had hoped for and because of this, and because of my severe lack of patience; I chose to work more closely towards option B. Option B sat to my right and although she was a step down from Jessica Simpson, she was still a hot piece of ass.

What Option B had going for her that Jessica Simpson did not was that Option B looked like a slutty porn star. I can’t explain it, she just had that look going for her.

Anywho, the 3 of us became pretty good friends. We had a lot of things in common, we all hated the class, I liked both of them, and they both liked me. Anywho, progress with Option B was moving a lot faster than with Jessica Simpson. One day I summoned the courage to ask Option B if she wanted to hang out for a night and she was totally down. Fantastico! The weekend was coming up and my friend Kaylan was throwing a jello wrestling party at her house.

So Friday finally rolls around and my buddies Pat McCrack and Alex decided to come out as well. This was exceptionally good b/c I was going to need some backup if I was to capture this fish. Option B told me she was going to bring a friend over as well. Even better. Mabee Pat McCrack or Alex could hook up with her. Both of those guys were pretty horrible in terms of hooking up with random members of the opposite sex but if they played their cards right, mabee this could be their night!

Well, Option Bs friend was none other than this one chick my roommate Jay fucked a couple months ago! Small world…I was also pretty good friends with a couple of her friends as well, both named Julie. I actually did the dance one of the Julies a few months ago! The Julie I hooked up with previous night was the lesser quality of the two. But the other Julie, the hot Julie, was someone I was currently working along with Option B. But the Hot Julie was a challenge because she was a cokehead and I’m not….Are you confused yet?

Moving forward, the jello wrestling party was a huge hit. There were hundreds of people there to witness this event of epic proportions. Like always, the WMU cops put a damper on the night’s festivities and after only a few hours of harmless fun, everyone was forced to wonder who would win the main event of Kaylan vs. Jamie that never took place…

It didn’t matter though b/c we were all wasted and we were all going back to my house to carry the party on. Option B and I were hitting it off real well that night as my hand did not shy away from her ass whatsoever. Once we get back to my house and once the remainder of Absolute Vodka was gone, everyone left except for Alex, Option B, and her equally as slutty friend (the girl my roommate Jay fucked).

Unfortunately, the friend was not into Alex at all. Like always, Alex did not take the hint and I had to basically force him out of my house. “Live to see another day, Alejandro”, I kept saying to him as I was pushing him towards the front door.

Once I finally managed to escort Alex the drunken Spaniard off the premises, I became discouraged because Option B and her friend were nowhere in sight. I thought they left. I was happy to hear the sound of Option B’s voice when she told me, “I’m in here.” Holy shit, they’re both in my bed!!

There she was, Option B, along with ugly friend, lying in my bed, waiting for me to jump in. I snuggled in between them and start making out with Option B as I’m fondling her friend at the same time. I then switch gears and start making out with friend and fondling Option B. Then, I jumped back to Option B. After all, she was the reason why I put in all this hard work in the first place.

Unfortunately, the friend got a little jealous b/c I was paying so much attention to Option B. She got up. She picked up her phone and started calling one of the Julies. “What’s wrong?” I asked her. “Nothing” she said. “Im just calling Julie to come and pick me up. Both Julies are at this party and I’m going to go with them.”

I started to get a little irritated, impatient… “Don’t go with them. You should just stay here. Besides, those girls are bitches. One’s a cokehead and the others a walrus!” The friend just kind of laughed and continued dialing the number. She left shortly thereafter. Little did I know that she would go on to tell both Julies what I thought about them.

Hot Julie called me the next day and yelled at me. “You’re calling me a cokehead?! Fuck you Rick! You’re a piece of shit!” Whatev. It was true….It was all a joke, but it didn’t matter. My chances with Hot Julie were unceremoniously over. Damn you, Friend!

All was not lost however. I still had Option B ready, willing, and able to put out. Things were getting hot and heavy when she had a boyfriend. Immediate Buzzkill. A few weeks earlier, she told me they were officially broken up but I guess they were still together in some way or something like that..probably still fucking. I told her not to worry and sweet talked her some more. We had awesome, CONSENSUAL sex but something weird happened that night.

I could tell the next day that something was wrong with Option B. She was being real aloof and the next morning she left before I had the chance to make her my famous Marshbanks 3 egg omlette. I called her that day but she kind of blew me off. The whole next week she didn’t talk to me much in class.

I have no idea what I did to piss her off but I could tell she no longer had that same “I wanna fuck you Rick” look in her eye. To make matters worse, I think she told Jessica Simpson some shit about me b/c she acted differently around me as well. A few weeks after that night, Option B dropped the class and I never heard from her again. Jessica Simpson and I pretty much stopped talking as well and oh, by the way, Hot Julie hated my guts because her friend told her I called her a cokehead…

I don’t exactly know why or how I managed to suddenly piss off 3 hot girls at once. I guess this is one of those times when bad Karma comes back around to bite you in the ass. Oh well….At least I got some ass in the process!


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#3
Top 10 College Krunkness
January 2005: 3 Acts of Kindness, One Last Hurrah, and my Farewell Sendoff

After a long and agonizing wait, I was finally only a few weeks away from the trip of my life, 6 months of studying abroad in Wollongong, Australia! Everything was set for me to leave Michigan and the time couldn’t have come any better.

I was down in the dumps b/c I had just totaled my car the previous week during my trip to Royal Oak to visit the Adrian brothers. It was a snowy Sunday morning when my car skidded out of control and collided into the median off I-96. I honestly could have died.

I was also depressed b/c I had planned to make one last trip up to Western before I left. I wasn’t living there at the time b/c there was a month layover between the end of the fall semester at Western and the beginning of Winter semester in Australia so during the transition, I was living back home at my Mom’s house in Fenton. All it took was one phone call for my mood to suddenly cheer up.

My good friend Megan called and I told her the bad news about my car. She told me she was really sorry to hear what had happened. Then, in an act of friendship I will never forget, she offered to drive down and pick me up on Friday and to take me back home on Sunday – so we could have one last party weekend before my trip!

I was completely taken off guard by this. Megan was a good friend for sure but I never would have thought in my wildest dreams she would offer to do this. It was like a 3 hour drive from Fenton to Kalamazoo and she’s offering to do this. Wow!

Friday finally came around and Megan came in to Fenton around 6PM. She brought her friend
Lacey with her. I really had a thing for Lacey. She was a hottie for sure, and one that I didn’t think I had a snowballs chance in hell to ever get over with.

We arrived in Kalamazoo later that night. Friday night was a blast but Saturday was even better. My old roommates threw me a going away party and I got to see everyone one last time before my trip to Oz. To my surprise, both Julies ended up showing up and I was really happy I got a chance to make amends with the cokehead and the walrus.

The best day however, was Sunday. Sunday started off pretty shitty. I had a massive hangover from mass amounts of alcohol consumption and spent the majority of the day on the couch. My buddy Dennis took my old room so I didn’t even have a bed to sleep in!

Since I felt like shit and nothing was really going good for me, I decided to give Lacey a call. We hung out all weekend and even had a couple of drunk make out sessions at the bar. The plan was to ask Lacey if she wanted to see a movie that night. It was cool b/c Dennis being the awesome friend he is, offered to take me home the next day if I wanted to leave later so I basically had one extra night in Kalamazoo if I wanted it, if I wanted her….

Well Lacey was down with a movie. That’s not all she was down with. After the movie, I asked her if she wanted to come over for a little bit. She ended up staying the night with me and gave me the best sendoff a horny guy like me could ever ask for

In retrospect, I would like to express my thanks to Megan, Dennis, and Lacey. All 3 showed me incredible acts of kindness I will never forget. Thanks to Megan for picking my ass up from Fenton, thanks to Dennis for driving my ass back to Fenton, and for giving up his (my old) room for one night, and thanks to Lacey for giving me a little going away present!!


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#2
Top 10 College Krunkness
October 2003: Central/Western Weekend

This weekend was by far, the best weekend ever during my short college career. Every college has a rival. Army has Navy, Michigan has Michigan St. and Western Michigan has Central Michigan. The football game itself was meaningless (2 crappy teams in an even crappier conference) but what made this memory meaningful were the parties and random drunken shenanigans that took place during that entire weekend.

I’m no stranger when it comes to tailgating. I have been to Michigan State so many times, I am practically an MSU alumni. A lot of my friends back in High School went to State so I had all kinds of opportunities early on to catch what the extreme college party life was all about.

I must say however, I was a little concerned coming in the CMU/WMU weekend. My good friends from high school, Joe McFateridge, Nick and John Adrian, and Mike Pickover were all planning on coming up and it was up to me and my trusty WMU/Fenton High alum sidekick Pat McCrack to show these jabronis what Western life was all about. There was a lot of pressure for us. We needed to show our buddies a good time. Most weekends at WMU were pretty bland, but

I had no idea how fun of a time it would end up being.
Friday night started out great. My friends got in kinda late and we ended up going to this random house party where they had foam wrestling in the basement. Ho Hum, just an average Friday night at Western. Saturday was when the real party started.

We woke up around 9AM, which is balls early on a Sat. We had a lot of work to do to if we were to host the biggest tailgate party Western Michigan University has ever seen. We got like 4 or 5 kegs to start, a couple pounds of hotdogs, and oh yeah.a bungy run. Yeah, a fuckin BUNGY RUN!

It’s hard to explain this blown up contraption but was enormous. It took up our entire back parking lot, one in which we shared with like 4 other houses. It cost something like $400 but it was worth every penny. Besides, my roommates and I ended up making all of our money back from the $5 keg cups we charged people. I’m not good at math but lets see, $5 per cup, $400 earned = a lot of fuckin people!

I can’t begin to explain the pandemonium that took place that afternoon/night/next morning. I guess the best way to put this is, there were so many people in our house and in our yard, that you couldn’t fuckin move! That’s right, wherever you were standing currently was where you were going to be standing for the entire day, unless you wanted to mosh your way through the sea of humanity/

What happened next is all a blur. About an hour after the actual football game started, the cops stormed though on horses and began shooing people away, destroying our front yard in the process. One girl got kicked in the face by a horse. One guy got a beer bottle chucked at his head and our bathroom became a makeshift hospital bed….the bathtub was covered in blood.

Our cable box got doused with beer and was ruined. John Adrian put his hand through my bedroom window as he was tapping out from the sharpshooter (Pro Wrestling submission maneuver). Joe “fixed” the window situation using some plastic wrap and blue tape he had in his truck. My roommates and I all got noise violations even though there were CANNONS being fired off and 10,000+ screaming fans across the street at Waldo Stadium.

I lost my cellphone and we met this bum in the Burger King parking lot b/c he offered to get it back for me for a small fee of $50. The police got involved and managed to retrieve my cell phone from a waitress at a coffee sho[ across the street. John Adrian was kissing randomes all night using the infamous line, “Wanna make out?” Typical Adrian…

My roommate Marty was dancing on our stripper pole. At 2:00 am, a beer bottle slowly rolled off the kitchen counter and unceremoniously landed on Pat McCrack’s skull. Mike Pickover brought a 250 pound bodybuilder over to the house and he was doing keg stands all night. My friends ate all my roommate’s food. At 4:00 am, Joe, Mike, and myself all got lost walking back home. We were giving each other Bill Goldberg-like spears in a random grass field. I met the WMU dance team, and had three of girls in my bed at one time. Earlier that afternoon, John brought a girl back to my room where the 3 of us shared the bed. All this and much more.

Like I said, looking back, the details are pretty sketchy. What I do know is that the fun we all had that weekend was never equaled, nor has anything ever come close to that. All I wanted was to show my friends a good time. By the end of that weekend, my friends all had enough. They couldn’t get the hell out of Kalamazoo fast enough. We exceeded their expectations and more.

My friends never did come back to see me at WMU. On the plus side, I don’t think I would have wanted them to. We set the bar so high that weekend, nothing ever would have come close. Indeed, it was beyond a shadow of doubt, the number 2 most memorable moment I ever had here at Western.


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#1
Top 10 College Krunkness
Winter Semester 2005: Study abroad in Australia

Its 12pm on a work night….this will have to be continued at a later time. That’s all folks. Thanks for reading (and hopefully laughing) at some of my crazy shenanigans. Now that I’m a bit older, I can really look back and enjoy all the fun that was to be had during college! All the embarrasment was worth it@@

-rTm