Message 4 My Step-Mom

Watching U die slowly
Is making me cry, feeling ever so lonely
For U.
When did we quit trying?
And when will we start fighting?
For life and exuberance
Instead of just living - under the turbulence
On the outside, we can pretend it's alright
But on the inside, it's a constant fight
I wish I didn’t have 2 bear witness
2 your disheartening conditions, examples of which are 2 numerous
2 mention, or give it extra attention
I wish I had your undivided attention, right now
Instead I have 2 write cryptic rhymes
Time after time, searching 4 words
But nothing I can say will ever make it right
What shall we do?
What kind of life has God given 2 U?
People everywhere love U
But take it from me, encouragement can be hard 2 find
When you’re sitting in bed, like a hospital bed – all of the time
Speaking of time, I keep thinking it’s only a matter of time
And that fucking sucks
Fuck all the doctors
Fuck all the pills
Fuck the prescriptions, because fucking drugs kill
They’re not making U better, they’re making it worse
And I don’t have the words 2 tell you how bad it hurts
Already in push-away mode, because why get close 2 someone
Who doesn’t want 2 get try 2 get better?
God please give us strength 2 fight through this bad weather

I keep telling myself I can make a difference
Even though, thus far things have felt so insignificant
With nothing to fight 4, it’s like I’m pacing in circles therefore -
Still living paycheck to paycheck – nothing steady on the horizon
Already heavy is my heart, beating cold like a bass drum