Top 10 - Worst Jobs I've ever had

Read it and weep. And laugh your ass off. Without any further ado, here are the top 10 stupidest work details as a proud member of the United States Coast Guard, Airstation Traverse City:

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“Rock-Ops”
Near the front of the base, there were a bunch of different colored rocks, with a big "USCG" logo in red volcanic rock. Often times, these rocks would get shuffled around, due to the weather, foot traffic, and whatnot. Not a very good first impression for newly arriving personal to see these rocks, scattered in disarray. So our job was to reorganize these rocks, and separate the colored ones from the white ones. We also had creative control to change the font of the physical rocks that sported the "USCG" logo. Each Friday, we would try and switch the lettering up a bit, in the case some of base dignitaries ever got bored with the rocks’ original lettering configuration.

“Trash-Ops”
This consisted of walking around the fence line, the entire perimeter of the air station with trash bag in one hand and a ‘poker stick’ in the other. There would usually be two or three of us performing this work detail as sometimes the lead trash ops officer would occasionally miss a stray piece of garbage.

“Crack-Ops”
There were many cracks in the lower level walls of the hanger where the 5 helicopters rested. Sometimes, you can just throw gobs of paint to fill up the cracks. It probably would have been easier to just throw some putty down in there, sand the walls down, then paint over...but painting layers upon layers of paint takes up more time because you have to wait for the wet paint to dry. We used to take bets on how long it would take for the paint to dry.

“Battery-Ops”
Next to each bed in the Smith Hall berthing area was a nightstand. On each nightstand, lay an alarm clock. You never know when the batteries are going to die on these things. I would presume the batteries should last for years and years because the clocks were all plugged into the wall. But what happens if the power goes out? Or if the cord accidentally gets unplugged? Then you’re running off the batteries. And what happen if the power goes out and the batteries die? Then you have rescue swimmers oversleeping, missing their musters, and being late on a search missions. Since we were all in the business of saving lives, it was our job, NO – our inherent duty and personal responsibility, to ensure that NO lives were lost due to equipment failure from these janky alarm clocks.

“Clock-Ops”
This goes along the lines of the previous bullet point, except this time, the detail consisted of replacing all the batteries in the wall clocks. Since there were no active power supplies to the wall clocks, this job was performed much more frequently and with a greater sense of urgency than the previous battery-ops detail. Plus, every office, Hall, mess, and berthing area in the Airstation was fitted with a wall clock - it wasn’t just limited to the Smith Hall berthing area, as per the previous "battery ops" detail.

“Kubota-Ops”
We had a Kubota and a big ass frontloader to assist in the snow removal/dirt digging operations. Since there was no formal training or certification needed to operate these heavy duty machines, we would often times take it upon ourselves to conduct ‘unofficial training’ or peer refresher courses so to speak. We would go out in the back 40, far from the watchful eyes of the top brass, and practice our expertise on these machines. We would dig massive holes and fill them back up again, as well as transporting piles of dirt from one area to the next, with no specific rhyme or reason. Adhering to the Coast Guard motto of Semper Paratus (always ready), you never know when your number is going to be called. In the case we were needed for emergency digging ops, we had to make sure we were 100% efficient with the operations of these machines, in the case that would ever happen. (examples of emergency digging might be to fix a sprinkler head, or cable line, or something like that. It’s really hard say, due to the fact we were never actually called upon to perform any type of emergency detail involving the Kubota or frontloader).

“Ground Hog-Ops”
This is my personal fav. These little pesters have been known to reak alot of havoc on the trees and to the general landscape. Nothing looks worse on a freshly mowed lawn than to have a bunch of holes in it. So it was our job to eliminate these pesky critters, by any means necessary. The most effective way to eliminate the Airstation Traverse City groundhog population required a minimum of 4 US Coast Guard Personal. One guy would carry the shovel. One guy would carry the bucket of water. One guy would operate the go-cart, and the last guy would pull double-duty, as acting detail supervisor and water bucket refill person. Unfortunately, this type of detail was only seasonal, mainly during the hot summer months. We had to get a bit more creative during the winter season. {See next.}

“Sand-Ops”
I spent around 15 hrs (aka a full ‘work’ week) once sanding an entire entertainment center by hand. Quite an accomplishment, I must say. We did have a couple of electric sanders readily available but sometimes you just take more pride in doing things by hand. Plus, it helped save on the electric bill. Not that the government cares if they save money on their monthly electric bill but in any event, it took up a lot of time to sand these things by hand and that was the primary reason we would even attempt such a monotonous and ridiculous project. You throw in the re-finishing, and buffering, and a single table could take weeks.

“Shine-Ops”
Many of the doors had this kind of copper, shiny like handle on them. You can imagine how dirty and smudged these door handles can get. Not to mention all the finger print marks. Nothing that a can of ‘Never Dull’ couldn’t fix though. This took a while to complete b/c it wasn’t just shining. You had to buff it afterwards, to ensure any stray fingerprints would be kept to a minimum.

“Field Day the Stair Well Ops”
This was one of the more wretched duties they would assign to us if they found us sitting around, not doing anything. This detail was horrible. The 2 dirty ass stairwells that connected the hanger from the upper offices had to be spick and span. For a white glove inspection by the Duty Chief Officer of the Day. And after our detail, if our quality of work did not live up to pristine expectations, the Duty Chief would give us an additional 2-4 hrs to correct the discrepancies. Sometimes he wouldn’t come back to inspect untill the end of the day. Did I forget to mention this was a stairwell? Why a stairwell has to pass a white glove inspection is beyond my realm of comprehension. But nonetheless, it had to be done. And after doing this once, I was damned if I was going to be forced into doing this type of shit again.