(I blow this one up. Taking about learing the business of sales :)
Going through the motions
Showing the stress signs
Signaling a severe lack of devotion.
Gotta stay with it, keep going
Keep the bullshit on notice,
keep climbing the mountain,
Never look down and keep the focus important.
Regardless of setbacks, you gotta stay in attack mode.
Better move out of the way cause I got the backbone –
The passion and balls to do business differently –
The big picture here is to coexist independently –
Cause it's a rotating door in this greedy industry –
It's all about payoffs, and what have you done for me recently –
Batten down the catches captain, do you smell what I'm cooking?
Hitting rock bottom, without sensing the urgency.
Got mutiny in the veins – so please don't take this personally – on valentines day – dropping elbows on my opponents like my name is Greg Valentine - Time to hammer the phones, start making the house calls – Like Harry, gotta start making things happen, regardless of pitfalls - I can't perform surgery – nervously twitching without a factor determining – the burning desire to perform at such a high level – High on the list but I try to stay mellow – in the midst of the mystery – lies a perceptive epiphany – running in circles like an obnoxious dependency – far from the norm, when you connect all the dots - need to concoct a solution – and let go of the scapegoats – more like an excuse that got old quick – forget that last line – I can't rhyme with the confidence – cause the common sense is not listening – I got the gold in my scope but as of right now, the reasons are meaningless, just need to preserve them like glycerine, a reservation for rainy days – stay on the pace – brutal at times but it's all part of conditioning – although it seems tempting to run the tank empty – it doesn't make sense to notice what seemingly – matters most in this cold world – propaganda and piracy, the patriot act and lack of all privacy - cold wars and cold sores – more hardcore pornography than you could ever think possibly – would cost and arm and a leg but you can get it for free – Piece of crap, good for nothing, always begging for something, better get down on all fours, take a look for yourself, if you need a reference just point to the scoreboard – keeping a legacy is a longshot is you buy into the folklore – mission critical failure – is what the parity forewarns- its easy to boast when you're the toast of the town – but I order the shots here – and I refuse to buy rounds – for the rest of the hands that cling onto the coat tails, can you spot the difference between propaganda and fan mail? It all depends on where you fall on the pay scale
Friday, August 13, 2010
230 Words of Hate - March 2, 2008
(I forget what this was about, but it kind of sucks. not one of my better ones:)
Don't take my honesty for weakness –
Anymore – Like a revolving door -
In due time, everything will just pan out –
But in the meantime, I don't want to think about –
Anything but autopilot –
My brain shuts down and everything dies out –
Like a forest fire –
All the desires are about to expire –
Getting older by the minute –
Nothing makes sense anymore but the frequent –
Breakdowns –
And hand me downs –
All the credit card debt is wearing me down –
Long distance relationships –
Like a ship that's sinking slowly –
Nevermind, forget about it –
Anxiety and emptiness –
Priorities catch a feeding glimpse –
Into the uncertain –
Nothing on the surface –
Waiting for the curtians –
To close.
It keeps getting colder –
Seems like everyone knows –
the struggles I deal with –
And troubles I'm feeding –
Forget about that –
I'll be fine just believe me.
Getting through these dog days –
Hip hip horay –
Exitement is always –
Optimistically nonexistant.
Can you replace it?
I doubt that you can..
why don't you just find a replacement –
and go on existing?
Yeah, keep feeding me bullshit –
I doubt that you'll hear me –
Trust nobody –
What an endearing quality –
More like enduring –
The vision is blurry –
Better call up the doctor and get more pills in a hurry –
So nervous and worried –
Wishing on stars –
And the only thing that's for certain –
Is a fairy tale ending –
and a heart that stays hurting
Don't take my honesty for weakness –
Anymore – Like a revolving door -
In due time, everything will just pan out –
But in the meantime, I don't want to think about –
Anything but autopilot –
My brain shuts down and everything dies out –
Like a forest fire –
All the desires are about to expire –
Getting older by the minute –
Nothing makes sense anymore but the frequent –
Breakdowns –
And hand me downs –
All the credit card debt is wearing me down –
Long distance relationships –
Like a ship that's sinking slowly –
Nevermind, forget about it –
Anxiety and emptiness –
Priorities catch a feeding glimpse –
Into the uncertain –
Nothing on the surface –
Waiting for the curtians –
To close.
It keeps getting colder –
Seems like everyone knows –
the struggles I deal with –
And troubles I'm feeding –
Forget about that –
I'll be fine just believe me.
Getting through these dog days –
Hip hip horay –
Exitement is always –
Optimistically nonexistant.
Can you replace it?
I doubt that you can..
why don't you just find a replacement –
and go on existing?
Yeah, keep feeding me bullshit –
I doubt that you'll hear me –
Trust nobody –
What an endearing quality –
More like enduring –
The vision is blurry –
Better call up the doctor and get more pills in a hurry –
So nervous and worried –
Wishing on stars –
And the only thing that's for certain –
Is a fairy tale ending –
and a heart that stays hurting
Freestyle - April 2, 2008
(WOW, looking back, I was on a roll with this one:)
Taking up too much time –
Writing these nursery rhymes –
But with the right features –
It may appear that I'm subliminally high
Forget all the crying –
Forget underlining – the sentances
No weak for the weary, no need to be shy –
It’s moments like these –
That really define me –
Head of my class, a sick poet in disguise -
So hit the fast forward – sit back and unwind –
Circumstantial significance –
With intermediate dependencies –
They say nothing is easy –
In a world of discrepancies.
Got a handful of ideas
But not enough contacts -
The critics are many –
Like conflicts and setbacks –
But I don’t care bout a perception that’s negative –
Cause I got the goods to rise the hell up out of this –
I’m not doubting the benefits –
Kissing ass and taking shit –
But sooner or later –
You’ll lose the initiative –
Afraid to change colors –
Or ruffle the feathers –
And letting everything go –
right under the covers.
As society is deadly conforming to norms –
And the pain is so cold –
Like cause and effect mode –
All the way down this yellow brick road –
so few fortunes -
So many doors –
Only one balcony but not enough windows –
Even bordedom gets lonely –
Every once in a while –
Just gotta ignore and move forward –
Regardless of value, I'm still selling my soul –
Like I'm shoveling gravel –
All the travels and all of the trials –
Spent on the road, heart beating with a heavy denial –
I still got the focus that makes it worthwhile -
God and country and money is nothing –
This isn't a mumbling -
I don’t care about wealth –
Just good health and the hunger –
Right now, my passion is a masterpiece –
But my perception always seems to be the centerpiece –
Of attention –
During round table discussions –
Self preservation mode – time to empty presumptions –
Like I got a bad attitude –
Because I question the funnel - the functions –
Of certain set in stone policies –
That make it harder for most – other jabronis -
To do their job properly –
when it becomes obvious that the compatencies are in question –
The comments start coming –
Right out of the concrete –
But even roses can rise if the chemistry’s good.
For better or worse, this war is now personal –
Better take a still capture, cause this isn't a ritual
This isn’t the usual –
Two minute bogus flow –
A plan is in action –
The cause is residual –
Not yet but someday soon –
All of this gloom –
That others assemble –
Will pale in comparison
Because I refuse to let
outside factor clog my potential -
Taking up too much time –
Writing these nursery rhymes –
But with the right features –
It may appear that I'm subliminally high
Forget all the crying –
Forget underlining – the sentances
No weak for the weary, no need to be shy –
It’s moments like these –
That really define me –
Head of my class, a sick poet in disguise -
So hit the fast forward – sit back and unwind –
Circumstantial significance –
With intermediate dependencies –
They say nothing is easy –
In a world of discrepancies.
Got a handful of ideas
But not enough contacts -
The critics are many –
Like conflicts and setbacks –
But I don’t care bout a perception that’s negative –
Cause I got the goods to rise the hell up out of this –
I’m not doubting the benefits –
Kissing ass and taking shit –
But sooner or later –
You’ll lose the initiative –
Afraid to change colors –
Or ruffle the feathers –
And letting everything go –
right under the covers.
As society is deadly conforming to norms –
And the pain is so cold –
Like cause and effect mode –
All the way down this yellow brick road –
so few fortunes -
So many doors –
Only one balcony but not enough windows –
Even bordedom gets lonely –
Every once in a while –
Just gotta ignore and move forward –
Regardless of value, I'm still selling my soul –
Like I'm shoveling gravel –
All the travels and all of the trials –
Spent on the road, heart beating with a heavy denial –
I still got the focus that makes it worthwhile -
God and country and money is nothing –
This isn't a mumbling -
I don’t care about wealth –
Just good health and the hunger –
Right now, my passion is a masterpiece –
But my perception always seems to be the centerpiece –
Of attention –
During round table discussions –
Self preservation mode – time to empty presumptions –
Like I got a bad attitude –
Because I question the funnel - the functions –
Of certain set in stone policies –
That make it harder for most – other jabronis -
To do their job properly –
when it becomes obvious that the compatencies are in question –
The comments start coming –
Right out of the concrete –
But even roses can rise if the chemistry’s good.
For better or worse, this war is now personal –
Better take a still capture, cause this isn't a ritual
This isn’t the usual –
Two minute bogus flow –
A plan is in action –
The cause is residual –
Not yet but someday soon –
All of this gloom –
That others assemble –
Will pale in comparison
Because I refuse to let
outside factor clog my potential -
Bogus Flow - April 16, 2008
(This rhyme is pretty tight, i wrote it at work:)
It's times like these when I need to reference the Microsoft spreadsheet –
Like a deadbeat dad – I'm not about numbers,
It's the attention my ears need –
No eye candy here in the windy city cdw facility –
Too many festivities to indulge in repeatedly –
Too many dependencies –
And there's no honor amongst thieves –
I should be working harder –
Instead of writing these nursery –
Rhymes to help pass the time –
Got money on my mind but no sales in the pipeline –
The opportunity is dim -
Cause 20/20 is hindsight –
And I got 20 bucks left in the bank account –
I got 99 reasons why I got sales in the crapper –
A bunch of damn resellers –
And like the Rock says – it doesn't matter –
If I up sell to the next higher tier –
I might as well get out of here –
Call it a day – come in early tomorrow –
Cold calls in the morning, with nothing to follow –
up on -
I got a fountain of possibilities –
But nothing in front of me –
Cause I'm held down by the window of opportunity –
Looking ever so busy while the day is wasted away
In the pits of discrepancies
Burning bridges –
Building my book of business –
Got nothing for now –
better call in the Guinness –
Book of world records –
Don't mean to ruffle the feathers –
But this weather is dumpy –
68 in the office – clammy and dreary –
Meanwhile outside – too bleak for the weary –
Worn out and needy – annoying endearment –
Got the ease of convenience –
But not even that is enough to get some much needed frequent –
Attention like my span is so random –
Like the phantom menace from star wars –
It's the sequel that nails them –
And this don't even make sense anymore –
My damn hands hurt – carepletunel from typing –
Them dogs will hunt but the bitches keep whining –
What is there to do anymore –
When the timing – is wrong?
just need a hit from the –
long, long time ago, gotta get something going and scarf down more bogus flow.
It's times like these when I need to reference the Microsoft spreadsheet –
Like a deadbeat dad – I'm not about numbers,
It's the attention my ears need –
No eye candy here in the windy city cdw facility –
Too many festivities to indulge in repeatedly –
Too many dependencies –
And there's no honor amongst thieves –
I should be working harder –
Instead of writing these nursery –
Rhymes to help pass the time –
Got money on my mind but no sales in the pipeline –
The opportunity is dim -
Cause 20/20 is hindsight –
And I got 20 bucks left in the bank account –
I got 99 reasons why I got sales in the crapper –
A bunch of damn resellers –
And like the Rock says – it doesn't matter –
If I up sell to the next higher tier –
I might as well get out of here –
Call it a day – come in early tomorrow –
Cold calls in the morning, with nothing to follow –
up on -
I got a fountain of possibilities –
But nothing in front of me –
Cause I'm held down by the window of opportunity –
Looking ever so busy while the day is wasted away
In the pits of discrepancies
Burning bridges –
Building my book of business –
Got nothing for now –
better call in the Guinness –
Book of world records –
Don't mean to ruffle the feathers –
But this weather is dumpy –
68 in the office – clammy and dreary –
Meanwhile outside – too bleak for the weary –
Worn out and needy – annoying endearment –
Got the ease of convenience –
But not even that is enough to get some much needed frequent –
Attention like my span is so random –
Like the phantom menace from star wars –
It's the sequel that nails them –
And this don't even make sense anymore –
My damn hands hurt – carepletunel from typing –
Them dogs will hunt but the bitches keep whining –
What is there to do anymore –
When the timing – is wrong?
just need a hit from the –
long, long time ago, gotta get something going and scarf down more bogus flow.
Freestyle - April 26, 2008
I tell you I that want some, so here I am, come and get some – my techniques aren't as handsome – but at least I can match them – word for word or sentence by sentence – but for arguments sake, lets call this transparent – sort of like a shade of gray – like my perspective –it can always make a turn – and nothing is inherently 100% - except for the past – if you take the time to measure it – speaking of which, that's all that I got – a time right now I can show you – how bad that I want right now just to hold you – don't know if it's overreactive or deep seeded attraction – that I got for your hotness – you just blow me off my feat, your heiness. Speaking of blowing, i just blew this up for you
Joel Osteen Moment
It doesn't matter how hard the struggle is. It doesn't matter how many times we've failed. All that matters is the effort and time we put into something we truly believe will eventually pan out. Sometimes its best to learn things the hard way. Sometimes it takes awhile, but with every failure comes a blessing in disguise. We don't have the ability to understand how everything works in the grand scheme of things. That's why we have to hold our faith strong, even when everything around us seems to be crumbling before our very eyes. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us going. Sometimes it's helpful to change the channel. We have to quit worrying about the stuff we don't have. Let's try reversing the focus. Lets pretend we already have everything. What now? What do are we going to do with it?
How many people do you know who are miserable? These people could be the most successful businessmen, salesmen, Vice presidents of major corporations, whatever. If they make so much money and have so many fancy possessions, how could they be so miserable? Sometimes it just doesn't seem possible. The truth of the matter is, if we're not happy with what we already have, chances are we won't be happy for what we get later. That's just the attitude some of us have. I've learned that often times, the more you appreciate the struggle, the more satisfying the reward will be. And by 'appreciate', I don't mean that we should glorify hardship. On the contrary, we need to accept it for what it is, a necessary challenge in order for growth. It's not easy to appreciate a challenge. It can be scary at times. But we need to have faith that every challenge will help us grow. Plus, the way we respond to challenges define who we are, and how we approach things in the future. That's what tenacity is all about, the ability to move forward, regardless of circumstance. And there are challenges we may never overcome. Mountains we may never to be able climb to the top. But that's okay. We hust be confident that other doors will open along the way. You see, our energy is like a magnet. It rubs off on others and that is so important. Especially when our master status is defined by something other than our material or physical prowess. However you view success, if you ask anybody who is successful they will tell you they didn't get there by themselves. Somebody gave them a break along the way. Somebody gave them an opportunity. If you go into challenging situations with a defeated mindset, even after a big win, you'll never maintain long term gratification.
It took me a while but I've learned that it's impossible to be discouraged if you always find a way to be grateful about something. It's a fact that we all have been blessed with certain things other people do not have. It's also a fact that there will always be somebody in a worse predicament than us or somebody who has it harder than we do. What's my point? Suffering is relative. It's all on perception. For example, a struggle is bad and a challenge is good. They both basically mean the same thing but the connotations drastically differ. Whatever it takes, we need to find some value in how we approach things, what areas we succeed in, and what areas we have trouble with. Sometimes, the grand prize isn't so grand after all. It simply acts as a distraction from what's really important – appreciation of the present tense, and all the blessings or good breaks that got us this far in the first place. Continue to strive for growth, but that consistent appreciation is so important because that's how we build faith – faith in our abilities, faith in God, faith in good karma, whatever - as long as we have faith in something. The good thing about faith is that once you have it, you can use it to carry you. It also helps reassure us, it provides us the evidence we need, that even though things may seem insurmountable right now, you know deep down inside – that based on what we have already achieved, there will be something to gain from whatever roadblocks or icebergs we are facing right now
How many people do you know who are miserable? These people could be the most successful businessmen, salesmen, Vice presidents of major corporations, whatever. If they make so much money and have so many fancy possessions, how could they be so miserable? Sometimes it just doesn't seem possible. The truth of the matter is, if we're not happy with what we already have, chances are we won't be happy for what we get later. That's just the attitude some of us have. I've learned that often times, the more you appreciate the struggle, the more satisfying the reward will be. And by 'appreciate', I don't mean that we should glorify hardship. On the contrary, we need to accept it for what it is, a necessary challenge in order for growth. It's not easy to appreciate a challenge. It can be scary at times. But we need to have faith that every challenge will help us grow. Plus, the way we respond to challenges define who we are, and how we approach things in the future. That's what tenacity is all about, the ability to move forward, regardless of circumstance. And there are challenges we may never overcome. Mountains we may never to be able climb to the top. But that's okay. We hust be confident that other doors will open along the way. You see, our energy is like a magnet. It rubs off on others and that is so important. Especially when our master status is defined by something other than our material or physical prowess. However you view success, if you ask anybody who is successful they will tell you they didn't get there by themselves. Somebody gave them a break along the way. Somebody gave them an opportunity. If you go into challenging situations with a defeated mindset, even after a big win, you'll never maintain long term gratification.
It took me a while but I've learned that it's impossible to be discouraged if you always find a way to be grateful about something. It's a fact that we all have been blessed with certain things other people do not have. It's also a fact that there will always be somebody in a worse predicament than us or somebody who has it harder than we do. What's my point? Suffering is relative. It's all on perception. For example, a struggle is bad and a challenge is good. They both basically mean the same thing but the connotations drastically differ. Whatever it takes, we need to find some value in how we approach things, what areas we succeed in, and what areas we have trouble with. Sometimes, the grand prize isn't so grand after all. It simply acts as a distraction from what's really important – appreciation of the present tense, and all the blessings or good breaks that got us this far in the first place. Continue to strive for growth, but that consistent appreciation is so important because that's how we build faith – faith in our abilities, faith in God, faith in good karma, whatever - as long as we have faith in something. The good thing about faith is that once you have it, you can use it to carry you. It also helps reassure us, it provides us the evidence we need, that even though things may seem insurmountable right now, you know deep down inside – that based on what we have already achieved, there will be something to gain from whatever roadblocks or icebergs we are facing right now
Cheating and Breaking the Ropes - October 22, 2008
(Alot of guilt, alot of regret on this one...- and a pretty cool pro wrestling analogy at the end:)
I'm nervous about things right now because I don't know how it will look like from a perspective that isn't mine. I made a decision and that decision is final, at least for right now. But the feedback from that decision has been so overwhelming. I feel damned in both directions. I'm damned if I 'stay the course' and trudge on through and I'm damned if I act on what my gut has been telling me all along. Either way, people get hurt. The question is, which path leads to least resistance?
Opposites can be so unattractive. Failure and success all depends on the prize. It is worth it? That depends on the chase. Running away from the misery - and it still seems like the best mystery - is still light years away. Like a free lunch, there's no clean breaks. Even if I have both feet on the ropes – the referee doesn't care. Get the show going and give the people what they paid their money to see.
Relegated to the curtain jerker role, no curtain calls here, because the gimmick is tainted. He's money on the mic, but the only TV he gets, is during commercials. When the cameras come back on, he freezes right up, forgets all his lines, as the fans watch in sheer disbelief. Used to play babyface but now he's a heel. He loves the reaction but only if – the boys in the back - let him call his own match.
I'm nervous about things right now because I don't know how it will look like from a perspective that isn't mine. I made a decision and that decision is final, at least for right now. But the feedback from that decision has been so overwhelming. I feel damned in both directions. I'm damned if I 'stay the course' and trudge on through and I'm damned if I act on what my gut has been telling me all along. Either way, people get hurt. The question is, which path leads to least resistance?
Opposites can be so unattractive. Failure and success all depends on the prize. It is worth it? That depends on the chase. Running away from the misery - and it still seems like the best mystery - is still light years away. Like a free lunch, there's no clean breaks. Even if I have both feet on the ropes – the referee doesn't care. Get the show going and give the people what they paid their money to see.
Relegated to the curtain jerker role, no curtain calls here, because the gimmick is tainted. He's money on the mic, but the only TV he gets, is during commercials. When the cameras come back on, he freezes right up, forgets all his lines, as the fans watch in sheer disbelief. Used to play babyface but now he's a heel. He loves the reaction but only if – the boys in the back - let him call his own match.
Freestyle - December 12, 2008
(This is some of my best stuff right here:)
No plan of attack -
No momentum to back up the bolstering -
Boiling points, boiling up because I'm the only one noticing anything.
Hard to find direction with this kind of perspective -
Way too much drama -
Way much more than I least had expected…
Way too much Responsibilities -
To take care of…
Far too more than I was aware of.
Reneging on deadlines -
Still packing the punchlines
Punching out timeclocks -
Like I'm gearing for primetime.
Under the surface the anxiety worsens -
Cursing -
About the time I let go of -
Paradise purposely.
Hard to think when you can't breathe -
Cause dreams don't mean anything
To me - anymore.
Except for a sacred means -
To reclaim all the memories -
Back when everything could be achieved perfectly.
Everything God created for me.
I'm all alone in this quest to stay positive.
And even the simplest things -
Require the greatest of willpower.
Much more than i'm willing to allocate -
at least for right now -
in this present time - a passerby moment.
My mind is high on the auto -
pilot. Flying high…
High in the clouds…up so high now, don't wanna look down.
A long, long way, such a long way -
But mabee just mabee -
if I can glide this plane higher, the sun will break free.
Disaster recovery mode into full effect now -
At least from one thought process.
Everything has been…apparently lost, I guess -
that leaving things leaves many things -
Behind. With nothing left to do.
All your encouragement -
All my malnourishment -
And all of the negative energy that is flourishing here
In this very moment…
I am feeling precocious
Fully submerged, like an sunken old battleship.
The promised land is a concentration camp.
Because it hurts to concentrate -
Compromised -
On things you have -
Little to no realistic control of.
No plan of attack -
No momentum to back up the bolstering -
Boiling points, boiling up because I'm the only one noticing anything.
Hard to find direction with this kind of perspective -
Way too much drama -
Way much more than I least had expected…
Way too much Responsibilities -
To take care of…
Far too more than I was aware of.
Reneging on deadlines -
Still packing the punchlines
Punching out timeclocks -
Like I'm gearing for primetime.
Under the surface the anxiety worsens -
Cursing -
About the time I let go of -
Paradise purposely.
Hard to think when you can't breathe -
Cause dreams don't mean anything
To me - anymore.
Except for a sacred means -
To reclaim all the memories -
Back when everything could be achieved perfectly.
Everything God created for me.
I'm all alone in this quest to stay positive.
And even the simplest things -
Require the greatest of willpower.
Much more than i'm willing to allocate -
at least for right now -
in this present time - a passerby moment.
My mind is high on the auto -
pilot. Flying high…
High in the clouds…up so high now, don't wanna look down.
A long, long way, such a long way -
But mabee just mabee -
if I can glide this plane higher, the sun will break free.
Disaster recovery mode into full effect now -
At least from one thought process.
Everything has been…apparently lost, I guess -
that leaving things leaves many things -
Behind. With nothing left to do.
All your encouragement -
All my malnourishment -
And all of the negative energy that is flourishing here
In this very moment…
I am feeling precocious
Fully submerged, like an sunken old battleship.
The promised land is a concentration camp.
Because it hurts to concentrate -
Compromised -
On things you have -
Little to no realistic control of.
My favorite 2pac tracks
Rearview
Let Em Have It Remix (ft Lisa Lopez)
Heaven Ain’t Hard to Find
Me Against the World
Unconditional Love
Heartz of Men
Check Out Time
Can’t C Me
Betta Holla at Me
I Ain’t Mad At Cha
When Thugs Cry
Hit Em Up
Shorty’s Gonna be a Thug
So Many Tears
Wonda Why They Call U Bitch
When We Ride on our Enemies
Mama’s Just a Little Girl
They Don’t Give a Fuck About Us
Let Em Have It Remix (ft Lisa Lopez)
Heaven Ain’t Hard to Find
Me Against the World
Unconditional Love
Heartz of Men
Check Out Time
Can’t C Me
Betta Holla at Me
I Ain’t Mad At Cha
When Thugs Cry
Hit Em Up
Shorty’s Gonna be a Thug
So Many Tears
Wonda Why They Call U Bitch
When We Ride on our Enemies
Mama’s Just a Little Girl
They Don’t Give a Fuck About Us
Bulletin Board Material
Never relax the standards. Break stereotypes. Find the passion. Don’t let go of the faith. Go on the gut instincts. Don’t over analyze, instead plan ahead. Give 100% in all that you do. Be the hardest worker in the building. Always say thank you. Let go of regrets because all mistakes are a blessing in disguise. Accept responsibility. Lead by example. Don’t preach your beliefs, live by them. Create ways to stay positive. See the beauty of the world that surrounds you. Smile at a stranger. Everyday show somebody a sample of your talent. It’s okay to fall down because the true test of character is getting back up. Set expectations early and often. Expect good things. Don’t wait around for good things to pass. Patiently persevere, that’s how consistency is kept. Eliminate the arrogance, accept humility, and maintain the confidence because there’s no good reason to accept anything less.
Top 10 - Worst Jobs I've ever had
Read it and weep. And laugh your ass off. Without any further ado, here are the top 10 stupidest work details as a proud member of the United States Coast Guard, Airstation Traverse City:
....
“Rock-Ops”
Near the front of the base, there were a bunch of different colored rocks, with a big "USCG" logo in red volcanic rock. Often times, these rocks would get shuffled around, due to the weather, foot traffic, and whatnot. Not a very good first impression for newly arriving personal to see these rocks, scattered in disarray. So our job was to reorganize these rocks, and separate the colored ones from the white ones. We also had creative control to change the font of the physical rocks that sported the "USCG" logo. Each Friday, we would try and switch the lettering up a bit, in the case some of base dignitaries ever got bored with the rocks’ original lettering configuration.
“Trash-Ops”
This consisted of walking around the fence line, the entire perimeter of the air station with trash bag in one hand and a ‘poker stick’ in the other. There would usually be two or three of us performing this work detail as sometimes the lead trash ops officer would occasionally miss a stray piece of garbage.
“Crack-Ops”
There were many cracks in the lower level walls of the hanger where the 5 helicopters rested. Sometimes, you can just throw gobs of paint to fill up the cracks. It probably would have been easier to just throw some putty down in there, sand the walls down, then paint over...but painting layers upon layers of paint takes up more time because you have to wait for the wet paint to dry. We used to take bets on how long it would take for the paint to dry.
“Battery-Ops”
Next to each bed in the Smith Hall berthing area was a nightstand. On each nightstand, lay an alarm clock. You never know when the batteries are going to die on these things. I would presume the batteries should last for years and years because the clocks were all plugged into the wall. But what happens if the power goes out? Or if the cord accidentally gets unplugged? Then you’re running off the batteries. And what happen if the power goes out and the batteries die? Then you have rescue swimmers oversleeping, missing their musters, and being late on a search missions. Since we were all in the business of saving lives, it was our job, NO – our inherent duty and personal responsibility, to ensure that NO lives were lost due to equipment failure from these janky alarm clocks.
“Clock-Ops”
This goes along the lines of the previous bullet point, except this time, the detail consisted of replacing all the batteries in the wall clocks. Since there were no active power supplies to the wall clocks, this job was performed much more frequently and with a greater sense of urgency than the previous battery-ops detail. Plus, every office, Hall, mess, and berthing area in the Airstation was fitted with a wall clock - it wasn’t just limited to the Smith Hall berthing area, as per the previous "battery ops" detail.
“Kubota-Ops”
We had a Kubota and a big ass frontloader to assist in the snow removal/dirt digging operations. Since there was no formal training or certification needed to operate these heavy duty machines, we would often times take it upon ourselves to conduct ‘unofficial training’ or peer refresher courses so to speak. We would go out in the back 40, far from the watchful eyes of the top brass, and practice our expertise on these machines. We would dig massive holes and fill them back up again, as well as transporting piles of dirt from one area to the next, with no specific rhyme or reason. Adhering to the Coast Guard motto of Semper Paratus (always ready), you never know when your number is going to be called. In the case we were needed for emergency digging ops, we had to make sure we were 100% efficient with the operations of these machines, in the case that would ever happen. (examples of emergency digging might be to fix a sprinkler head, or cable line, or something like that. It’s really hard say, due to the fact we were never actually called upon to perform any type of emergency detail involving the Kubota or frontloader).
“Ground Hog-Ops”
This is my personal fav. These little pesters have been known to reak alot of havoc on the trees and to the general landscape. Nothing looks worse on a freshly mowed lawn than to have a bunch of holes in it. So it was our job to eliminate these pesky critters, by any means necessary. The most effective way to eliminate the Airstation Traverse City groundhog population required a minimum of 4 US Coast Guard Personal. One guy would carry the shovel. One guy would carry the bucket of water. One guy would operate the go-cart, and the last guy would pull double-duty, as acting detail supervisor and water bucket refill person. Unfortunately, this type of detail was only seasonal, mainly during the hot summer months. We had to get a bit more creative during the winter season. {See next.}
“Sand-Ops”
I spent around 15 hrs (aka a full ‘work’ week) once sanding an entire entertainment center by hand. Quite an accomplishment, I must say. We did have a couple of electric sanders readily available but sometimes you just take more pride in doing things by hand. Plus, it helped save on the electric bill. Not that the government cares if they save money on their monthly electric bill but in any event, it took up a lot of time to sand these things by hand and that was the primary reason we would even attempt such a monotonous and ridiculous project. You throw in the re-finishing, and buffering, and a single table could take weeks.
“Shine-Ops”
Many of the doors had this kind of copper, shiny like handle on them. You can imagine how dirty and smudged these door handles can get. Not to mention all the finger print marks. Nothing that a can of ‘Never Dull’ couldn’t fix though. This took a while to complete b/c it wasn’t just shining. You had to buff it afterwards, to ensure any stray fingerprints would be kept to a minimum.
“Field Day the Stair Well Ops”
This was one of the more wretched duties they would assign to us if they found us sitting around, not doing anything. This detail was horrible. The 2 dirty ass stairwells that connected the hanger from the upper offices had to be spick and span. For a white glove inspection by the Duty Chief Officer of the Day. And after our detail, if our quality of work did not live up to pristine expectations, the Duty Chief would give us an additional 2-4 hrs to correct the discrepancies. Sometimes he wouldn’t come back to inspect untill the end of the day. Did I forget to mention this was a stairwell? Why a stairwell has to pass a white glove inspection is beyond my realm of comprehension. But nonetheless, it had to be done. And after doing this once, I was damned if I was going to be forced into doing this type of shit again.
....
“Rock-Ops”
Near the front of the base, there were a bunch of different colored rocks, with a big "USCG" logo in red volcanic rock. Often times, these rocks would get shuffled around, due to the weather, foot traffic, and whatnot. Not a very good first impression for newly arriving personal to see these rocks, scattered in disarray. So our job was to reorganize these rocks, and separate the colored ones from the white ones. We also had creative control to change the font of the physical rocks that sported the "USCG" logo. Each Friday, we would try and switch the lettering up a bit, in the case some of base dignitaries ever got bored with the rocks’ original lettering configuration.
“Trash-Ops”
This consisted of walking around the fence line, the entire perimeter of the air station with trash bag in one hand and a ‘poker stick’ in the other. There would usually be two or three of us performing this work detail as sometimes the lead trash ops officer would occasionally miss a stray piece of garbage.
“Crack-Ops”
There were many cracks in the lower level walls of the hanger where the 5 helicopters rested. Sometimes, you can just throw gobs of paint to fill up the cracks. It probably would have been easier to just throw some putty down in there, sand the walls down, then paint over...but painting layers upon layers of paint takes up more time because you have to wait for the wet paint to dry. We used to take bets on how long it would take for the paint to dry.
“Battery-Ops”
Next to each bed in the Smith Hall berthing area was a nightstand. On each nightstand, lay an alarm clock. You never know when the batteries are going to die on these things. I would presume the batteries should last for years and years because the clocks were all plugged into the wall. But what happens if the power goes out? Or if the cord accidentally gets unplugged? Then you’re running off the batteries. And what happen if the power goes out and the batteries die? Then you have rescue swimmers oversleeping, missing their musters, and being late on a search missions. Since we were all in the business of saving lives, it was our job, NO – our inherent duty and personal responsibility, to ensure that NO lives were lost due to equipment failure from these janky alarm clocks.
“Clock-Ops”
This goes along the lines of the previous bullet point, except this time, the detail consisted of replacing all the batteries in the wall clocks. Since there were no active power supplies to the wall clocks, this job was performed much more frequently and with a greater sense of urgency than the previous battery-ops detail. Plus, every office, Hall, mess, and berthing area in the Airstation was fitted with a wall clock - it wasn’t just limited to the Smith Hall berthing area, as per the previous "battery ops" detail.
“Kubota-Ops”
We had a Kubota and a big ass frontloader to assist in the snow removal/dirt digging operations. Since there was no formal training or certification needed to operate these heavy duty machines, we would often times take it upon ourselves to conduct ‘unofficial training’ or peer refresher courses so to speak. We would go out in the back 40, far from the watchful eyes of the top brass, and practice our expertise on these machines. We would dig massive holes and fill them back up again, as well as transporting piles of dirt from one area to the next, with no specific rhyme or reason. Adhering to the Coast Guard motto of Semper Paratus (always ready), you never know when your number is going to be called. In the case we were needed for emergency digging ops, we had to make sure we were 100% efficient with the operations of these machines, in the case that would ever happen. (examples of emergency digging might be to fix a sprinkler head, or cable line, or something like that. It’s really hard say, due to the fact we were never actually called upon to perform any type of emergency detail involving the Kubota or frontloader).
“Ground Hog-Ops”
This is my personal fav. These little pesters have been known to reak alot of havoc on the trees and to the general landscape. Nothing looks worse on a freshly mowed lawn than to have a bunch of holes in it. So it was our job to eliminate these pesky critters, by any means necessary. The most effective way to eliminate the Airstation Traverse City groundhog population required a minimum of 4 US Coast Guard Personal. One guy would carry the shovel. One guy would carry the bucket of water. One guy would operate the go-cart, and the last guy would pull double-duty, as acting detail supervisor and water bucket refill person. Unfortunately, this type of detail was only seasonal, mainly during the hot summer months. We had to get a bit more creative during the winter season. {See next.}
“Sand-Ops”
I spent around 15 hrs (aka a full ‘work’ week) once sanding an entire entertainment center by hand. Quite an accomplishment, I must say. We did have a couple of electric sanders readily available but sometimes you just take more pride in doing things by hand. Plus, it helped save on the electric bill. Not that the government cares if they save money on their monthly electric bill but in any event, it took up a lot of time to sand these things by hand and that was the primary reason we would even attempt such a monotonous and ridiculous project. You throw in the re-finishing, and buffering, and a single table could take weeks.
“Shine-Ops”
Many of the doors had this kind of copper, shiny like handle on them. You can imagine how dirty and smudged these door handles can get. Not to mention all the finger print marks. Nothing that a can of ‘Never Dull’ couldn’t fix though. This took a while to complete b/c it wasn’t just shining. You had to buff it afterwards, to ensure any stray fingerprints would be kept to a minimum.
“Field Day the Stair Well Ops”
This was one of the more wretched duties they would assign to us if they found us sitting around, not doing anything. This detail was horrible. The 2 dirty ass stairwells that connected the hanger from the upper offices had to be spick and span. For a white glove inspection by the Duty Chief Officer of the Day. And after our detail, if our quality of work did not live up to pristine expectations, the Duty Chief would give us an additional 2-4 hrs to correct the discrepancies. Sometimes he wouldn’t come back to inspect untill the end of the day. Did I forget to mention this was a stairwell? Why a stairwell has to pass a white glove inspection is beyond my realm of comprehension. But nonetheless, it had to be done. And after doing this once, I was damned if I was going to be forced into doing this type of shit again.
Random Notes - January 30, 2009
There’s a lot to say about what you don’t have. A lot of reasons, a lot of circumstance. But at the end of the day, you can’t move forward if you keep looking back. Don’t let the fear of the unknown spoil the motivation or the optimism that exists because there’s no good reason why it shouldn’t always be there, abundantly present. And regardless of anything else, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. The value of integrity and peace of mind is worth more than anything that could ever be handwritten or manmade. Everything happens for a reason, that’s a given. Sometimes though, the reasons don’t always happen to make sense.
Moving (on)
Everything is in boxes. Everything is so different. Trying so hard to stay busy, but the weight of this box is getting too heavy. Why can’t I do this, it isn’t that hard… But the more that I analyze, the more frustrating things get.
Difficult, Challenging, sad, lonely, depressed, frustrated, indecisive, scared, nonchalant, melancholy, sticking out, stressing out, bitching, complaining…..
Laughing, trying, crying, high fiving, smiling, joking, singing, thinking, dreaming, planning, praying…..
Foreword
You can’t control your emotions but your actions and reactions are 100% voluntary. Nothing worthwhile is easy because to me, the things that matter the most, like the accomplishments that I’m most proud of, and the people and beliefs that I actually care about àare all a derivative, from some kind of challenge. I don’t actively seek adversity but sometimes it’s necessary because sometimes, the only way to get motivation is from self-induced positive reinforcement
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/bankzblog/blog#ixzz0wXgohXB3
Moving (on)
Everything is in boxes. Everything is so different. Trying so hard to stay busy, but the weight of this box is getting too heavy. Why can’t I do this, it isn’t that hard… But the more that I analyze, the more frustrating things get.
Difficult, Challenging, sad, lonely, depressed, frustrated, indecisive, scared, nonchalant, melancholy, sticking out, stressing out, bitching, complaining…..
Laughing, trying, crying, high fiving, smiling, joking, singing, thinking, dreaming, planning, praying…..
Foreword
You can’t control your emotions but your actions and reactions are 100% voluntary. Nothing worthwhile is easy because to me, the things that matter the most, like the accomplishments that I’m most proud of, and the people and beliefs that I actually care about àare all a derivative, from some kind of challenge. I don’t actively seek adversity but sometimes it’s necessary because sometimes, the only way to get motivation is from self-induced positive reinforcement
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/bankzblog/blog#ixzz0wXgohXB3
Beautiful - July 15, 2009
(This was written of at my peak of my depression period. It's almost embarrasing to post this in a public forum, but the words were real, the feeling was real, and sometimes my best shit comes in the form of a not-normal mindset)
Stuck in this miserable – isolated – place by myself
So difficult – when you all you ever wanted –
Becomes more than what you could have wished for in the beginning
And now looking back – there’s no inbetween – a rock and a hard place
Distancing everything – until there’s nothing left – to hold on close to
Sometimes on the outside –
The inside’s filled with so much sanctimonious discontent –
And the only disconnect – worth fighting for – worth remembering –
Are the fallen wings on a distant angel
Its hard to look forward to waking up -
When the only thing worth anticipating is the grand finale of just another day to look down on
Because the dreams are so vivid – everyone is together – just like before – back when time would just standstill – then suddenly – the ringing of the alarm clock – is the sounding of a new day – and there’s no going back to – those feelings of yesterday
Blinded by insecurities – afraid to start anything worthwhile or not –
Because eventually, everything good always seems to go away swiftly.
It’s pointless to try if you don’t believe in the cause –
And just because you’re out of the woods –
Trees are still falling –
And if you listen closely, you’ll hear me
The pills and the drugs may help conceal sadness –
Momentarily stopping the bleeding -
But no amount of band aids - are going to heal the scars –
Norms are jaded to the point where all the once vibrant colors –
Are now simply subjectively viewed -
As painstakingly bland shades of grey –
I don’t care to go home – there’s no where to run to -
I don’t want to feel sympathy, there’s no feelings to hide –
I just want to become – a reason for others to argue upon –
Because finding attention is like masterbating –
To the point where all the feeling turns to numbness –
And the climax is a perfect nightcap –
The only vice that keeps on giving - shades of grey –
Because nothing really matters – on the grand scale of a hand me down wardrobe.
Stuck in this miserable – isolated – place by myself
So difficult – when you all you ever wanted –
Becomes more than what you could have wished for in the beginning
And now looking back – there’s no inbetween – a rock and a hard place
Distancing everything – until there’s nothing left – to hold on close to
Sometimes on the outside –
The inside’s filled with so much sanctimonious discontent –
And the only disconnect – worth fighting for – worth remembering –
Are the fallen wings on a distant angel
Its hard to look forward to waking up -
When the only thing worth anticipating is the grand finale of just another day to look down on
Because the dreams are so vivid – everyone is together – just like before – back when time would just standstill – then suddenly – the ringing of the alarm clock – is the sounding of a new day – and there’s no going back to – those feelings of yesterday
Blinded by insecurities – afraid to start anything worthwhile or not –
Because eventually, everything good always seems to go away swiftly.
It’s pointless to try if you don’t believe in the cause –
And just because you’re out of the woods –
Trees are still falling –
And if you listen closely, you’ll hear me
The pills and the drugs may help conceal sadness –
Momentarily stopping the bleeding -
But no amount of band aids - are going to heal the scars –
Norms are jaded to the point where all the once vibrant colors –
Are now simply subjectively viewed -
As painstakingly bland shades of grey –
I don’t care to go home – there’s no where to run to -
I don’t want to feel sympathy, there’s no feelings to hide –
I just want to become – a reason for others to argue upon –
Because finding attention is like masterbating –
To the point where all the feeling turns to numbness –
And the climax is a perfect nightcap –
The only vice that keeps on giving - shades of grey –
Because nothing really matters – on the grand scale of a hand me down wardrobe.
Stone Washed Jeans and Best Practices - July 23, 2009
(This is about my struggle with prescription meds and feeling sorry for completely alienating myself from the outside world)
Although it sounds condescending, I don’t mean to be distant –
Its never on purpose – why I chose to ignore all the attention
The calls and text messages – emails and IMs –
Shout outs and thank yous – and everything inbetween
But now I got my feet set – on some firm, solid ground –
it just took me a while to turn the – perception around
Like I got something else better – than to pay you some time –
So selfish of me – to play hard to find
But please don’t give up on me now – I need the encouragement –
Not afraid to admit – that I wasn’t able to originally work with it.
Expectations have been lowered and the standards may have faltered
But how do you say sorry for something so awkward?
Oblivious to common sense connotations -
Weakened by feelings of insecure resignation
Reality becomes a commercial – a never ending circle –
Of forgotten intensions –
Followed by faulty claims that don’t need to be mentioned here –
That propaganda goes elsewhere…
Not at this time – not in these nursery rhymes –
It’s a hard pill to swallow, realism defined.
Symbolic depictions of how these prescription meds can make me feel so dependent.
On solving the problems instead of just treating them.
And trying to find out why I ever said that I needed them.
Embracing change can be scary, like how do you appreciate the beautiful struggle?
"Let go of fear and forget about yesterday’s troubles.
Remember the victories and build on that karma.
Opportunities will become much more apparent with having that type of persona –
All because someone wasn’t afraid to give it a go.
No reason to question why seasons of increase are still pending delivery.
Look around everywhere, it’s already here."
Although it sounds condescending, I don’t mean to be distant –
Its never on purpose – why I chose to ignore all the attention
The calls and text messages – emails and IMs –
Shout outs and thank yous – and everything inbetween
But now I got my feet set – on some firm, solid ground –
it just took me a while to turn the – perception around
Like I got something else better – than to pay you some time –
So selfish of me – to play hard to find
But please don’t give up on me now – I need the encouragement –
Not afraid to admit – that I wasn’t able to originally work with it.
Expectations have been lowered and the standards may have faltered
But how do you say sorry for something so awkward?
Oblivious to common sense connotations -
Weakened by feelings of insecure resignation
Reality becomes a commercial – a never ending circle –
Of forgotten intensions –
Followed by faulty claims that don’t need to be mentioned here –
That propaganda goes elsewhere…
Not at this time – not in these nursery rhymes –
It’s a hard pill to swallow, realism defined.
Symbolic depictions of how these prescription meds can make me feel so dependent.
On solving the problems instead of just treating them.
And trying to find out why I ever said that I needed them.
Embracing change can be scary, like how do you appreciate the beautiful struggle?
"Let go of fear and forget about yesterday’s troubles.
Remember the victories and build on that karma.
Opportunities will become much more apparent with having that type of persona –
All because someone wasn’t afraid to give it a go.
No reason to question why seasons of increase are still pending delivery.
Look around everywhere, it’s already here."
This is who we are - July 30, 2009
I am an artist
I am a poet
I am obnoxious
I am a soldier
I am a trend setter
I am a rock star
I am genius
And I am a villain
I am a specialist
I am a comedian
But I am a shy kid
Lost in a world…. of beautiful make believe
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/bankzblog/blog#ixzz0wXdLkfhN
I am a poet
I am obnoxious
I am a soldier
I am a trend setter
I am a rock star
I am genius
And I am a villain
I am a specialist
I am a comedian
But I am a shy kid
Lost in a world…. of beautiful make believe
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/bankzblog/blog#ixzz0wXdLkfhN
Freestyle - October 12, 2009
oct12 2009
............................................................................
Looks like we’re back N the saddle again –
back 2 the same old way it began –
Back when the mood was a little bit calmer –
Back when the weather was a little bit warmer –
And although the shit may get me down from time to time –
I’ll never forget 2 remember the times –
Back when solutions were as simple as rhyming –
Back when team marshbanks had impeccable timing –
Seemed like 4ever and a day ago –
B4 the prescription pill popping adderall stage –
B4 the never ever ending story of anxiety weighed –
Down my frame of mind like a big of bricks –
Like the bid bad wolf coming to blow my house down -
Expecting the worse but I do expect it to get better somehow.
Got my head held high flying strong like a kite r
The pilot has spoken, and everyone’s free to move about the cabin –
It’s been a long lonely walk down that on-going aisle way –
But it’s okay for all to see freely –
Even if its like an empty picture frame on a naked white wall –
I’m still 10 feet standing tall and bullet proof –
And trust me, the bullets are popping -
Like the headaches I get from stopping cold turkey –
But what hurts me now will make me stay stronger -
From the good to the bad– the rise and the fall –
It never gets easy to give everything -
Have you ever been a part of something – that you thought would never end, but then of course it did?
But I’ll never give up, I’ll always give it my all –
Because that’s all that I have right now to fall back on –
Effort and attitude –
Creativity is the key to changing the mood swings –
A little straight forward –
Because the bull’s eye is in sight now –
Right now more than ever –
One giant target and its like nothing else in this world really matters –
And not even this shitty weather is going to be enough to keep me down –
Cause I got my focus set on that big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Still trying to find solid footing -
Cause right now I’m just getting my feet wet –
One foot at a time -
Because if you don’t stand for something you’ll sink like a stone -
Says the great bob Dylan on my 10 second ring tone.
And it doesn’t matter that nobody is calling me back –
They all know me by name –
And I know my calling card is long overdue for a comeback –
All those setbacks were minimal –
And today is one big giant step forward –
In the right direction –
My mind may be broken by all the years of self inflicted rejection –
But my body and good looks are still holding strong
From all the years of perfecting –
My craft on the daily –
But too much ADD meds have got me feeling cracked pretty lately –
Kind of like a crack whore -
Because instead of just sleeping I’ve been up for the past 4 –
Nights or days I can’t really determine the difference –
Because the focus was bottled up like the bottle of pills that used to be stuck my medicine cabinet.
But thank God for bathrooms, that what toilets were for -
Thank you God for helping me flush away another bad habit.
"And now I see the change in me was pushing you away"
Far far away from the isolate destitute –
That used to exist on 901 argyle street.
As this new season of increase begins -
Im not going to need any hugs, drugs, or gay pop culture trends –
To follow because I set the standards for all those to wallow in –
10 years later and I’m still not relaxing them –
Standards.
So follow my lead and forget all the shit that we used to get hot about.
So In case ya’ll were wondering these are my whereabouts. Bot.
............................................................................
Looks like we’re back N the saddle again –
back 2 the same old way it began –
Back when the mood was a little bit calmer –
Back when the weather was a little bit warmer –
And although the shit may get me down from time to time –
I’ll never forget 2 remember the times –
Back when solutions were as simple as rhyming –
Back when team marshbanks had impeccable timing –
Seemed like 4ever and a day ago –
B4 the prescription pill popping adderall stage –
B4 the never ever ending story of anxiety weighed –
Down my frame of mind like a big of bricks –
Like the bid bad wolf coming to blow my house down -
Expecting the worse but I do expect it to get better somehow.
Got my head held high flying strong like a kite r
The pilot has spoken, and everyone’s free to move about the cabin –
It’s been a long lonely walk down that on-going aisle way –
But it’s okay for all to see freely –
Even if its like an empty picture frame on a naked white wall –
I’m still 10 feet standing tall and bullet proof –
And trust me, the bullets are popping -
Like the headaches I get from stopping cold turkey –
But what hurts me now will make me stay stronger -
From the good to the bad– the rise and the fall –
It never gets easy to give everything -
Have you ever been a part of something – that you thought would never end, but then of course it did?
But I’ll never give up, I’ll always give it my all –
Because that’s all that I have right now to fall back on –
Effort and attitude –
Creativity is the key to changing the mood swings –
A little straight forward –
Because the bull’s eye is in sight now –
Right now more than ever –
One giant target and its like nothing else in this world really matters –
And not even this shitty weather is going to be enough to keep me down –
Cause I got my focus set on that big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Still trying to find solid footing -
Cause right now I’m just getting my feet wet –
One foot at a time -
Because if you don’t stand for something you’ll sink like a stone -
Says the great bob Dylan on my 10 second ring tone.
And it doesn’t matter that nobody is calling me back –
They all know me by name –
And I know my calling card is long overdue for a comeback –
All those setbacks were minimal –
And today is one big giant step forward –
In the right direction –
My mind may be broken by all the years of self inflicted rejection –
But my body and good looks are still holding strong
From all the years of perfecting –
My craft on the daily –
But too much ADD meds have got me feeling cracked pretty lately –
Kind of like a crack whore -
Because instead of just sleeping I’ve been up for the past 4 –
Nights or days I can’t really determine the difference –
Because the focus was bottled up like the bottle of pills that used to be stuck my medicine cabinet.
But thank God for bathrooms, that what toilets were for -
Thank you God for helping me flush away another bad habit.
"And now I see the change in me was pushing you away"
Far far away from the isolate destitute –
That used to exist on 901 argyle street.
As this new season of increase begins -
Im not going to need any hugs, drugs, or gay pop culture trends –
To follow because I set the standards for all those to wallow in –
10 years later and I’m still not relaxing them –
Standards.
So follow my lead and forget all the shit that we used to get hot about.
So In case ya’ll were wondering these are my whereabouts. Bot.
Mantra - November 9, 2009
I’ve come to the conclusion that I have made some big mistakes. And the way I used to see things was so diluted that my vision became severely impaired. And I lost the passion. And I lost the focus. But through all my struggles and personal demons, I’ve accomplished so much more than I thought I ever would be able to achieve. Mistakes can be blessings in disguise. I’ve never had to rely so much on my inner faith to help pull me through these outer doors. It’s the faith - or the expectation - that God did not bring me this far for me to fall flat on my face and never bounce back. I don’t consider myself a very religious person but I do believe in God, or positive energy – and karma. And I believe that by focusing on the positive energy, all things can be possible. But in order for it to happen, you first have to expect that it will.
I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me. That has become my mantra. I say it before I come into work. I say it every time I’m about to lift another insurmountable amount of weight that would otherwise look intimidating. And I’m not just taking about the weight room. I’ve learned to recognize challenges. But instead of expecting the worse, I anticipate the opportunity. The opportunity to grow and the opportunity to once again, jump out of my comfort zone and show somebody a different side of me. Although I might be lonely sometimes, I’m not scared anymore. Because by the grace of God, good fortune, or whatever you want to call it, I have come to the understanding – that my best days are coming – and they’re right here in front of me.
I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me. That has become my mantra. I say it before I come into work. I say it every time I’m about to lift another insurmountable amount of weight that would otherwise look intimidating. And I’m not just taking about the weight room. I’ve learned to recognize challenges. But instead of expecting the worse, I anticipate the opportunity. The opportunity to grow and the opportunity to once again, jump out of my comfort zone and show somebody a different side of me. Although I might be lonely sometimes, I’m not scared anymore. Because by the grace of God, good fortune, or whatever you want to call it, I have come to the understanding – that my best days are coming – and they’re right here in front of me.
Freestyle - December 2009
Winter dawns these darkened days
Been drawn in to these backward ways
For way too long. Way too long.
And now the dust is finally settling
Better grab the kindling and start upselling
Backpedaling, swimming upstream
Meanwhile the all-around surrounding is so damn obscene
It's a 'me first' world in this place with no stop
Anti-socially accepted by those with the most
Cages and scapegoats, and sugar coated eskimos
Those are the means that are handled by few
A trash talking mindset - A ridiculous concept
Divided we all stand United in gloom
The perfect girl seems light years away
Am I blackened by destiny or will things be okay?
Eventually
If I had more patience things wouldn't be the subject of so much scrutiny.
Hanging on by the threads of futility
Still got the ADD in my head and it's killing me
That a pill can solve problems
Like it or not, half the world's on them.
Only if I had better parents…
Wait a minute, let me paraphrase that statement
If I had more favor, instead of hand me down nightmares
That come in all shapes, all forms and all flavors
Things may be a bit different
Inherently sure of it
But when compared to the majority
Only a fraction compares to what's really holding me close to it.
Excuses are assholes but I still got to roll with them.
So bored - during this lonesome time - a troubled mind - looking into the future - and the days look foggy - Because the times are hardly - a reason to jump out of bed for - or a goal to shoot high for
High all of the time - can't get any higher - spark up the red lighter - and pack a new bowl - inhale the anticipation - exhale the frustration - pop in a dinger - and let your mind feel the warmth
Not thinking about discrepancies - pretending to feel exctasy - it's always escaping me - why is this is so valued?
I know there is a God - and I know he can hear me
I'm calling out for you now - I need you right here
To help take this negative energy out of me
And help me see - what I know I can have - if I just let it go I’m so indecisive sometimes I don’t know what I want
A million different things I guess
But at the end of the day will I always be searching
For something better
What If the best is already in front of me?
And I just can't see it?
I've been through so many challenges during my travels
I've learned from each one.
This is the greatest challenge because I am so close.
I'm so close to something I really want.
I have faith that right now I can decide how my perception is going to take it.
Don't let the past play a trend into the future.
The future is now
And I'm downloading it as we speak.
Been drawn in to these backward ways
For way too long. Way too long.
And now the dust is finally settling
Better grab the kindling and start upselling
Backpedaling, swimming upstream
Meanwhile the all-around surrounding is so damn obscene
It's a 'me first' world in this place with no stop
Anti-socially accepted by those with the most
Cages and scapegoats, and sugar coated eskimos
Those are the means that are handled by few
A trash talking mindset - A ridiculous concept
Divided we all stand United in gloom
The perfect girl seems light years away
Am I blackened by destiny or will things be okay?
Eventually
If I had more patience things wouldn't be the subject of so much scrutiny.
Hanging on by the threads of futility
Still got the ADD in my head and it's killing me
That a pill can solve problems
Like it or not, half the world's on them.
Only if I had better parents…
Wait a minute, let me paraphrase that statement
If I had more favor, instead of hand me down nightmares
That come in all shapes, all forms and all flavors
Things may be a bit different
Inherently sure of it
But when compared to the majority
Only a fraction compares to what's really holding me close to it.
Excuses are assholes but I still got to roll with them.
So bored - during this lonesome time - a troubled mind - looking into the future - and the days look foggy - Because the times are hardly - a reason to jump out of bed for - or a goal to shoot high for
High all of the time - can't get any higher - spark up the red lighter - and pack a new bowl - inhale the anticipation - exhale the frustration - pop in a dinger - and let your mind feel the warmth
Not thinking about discrepancies - pretending to feel exctasy - it's always escaping me - why is this is so valued?
I know there is a God - and I know he can hear me
I'm calling out for you now - I need you right here
To help take this negative energy out of me
And help me see - what I know I can have - if I just let it go I’m so indecisive sometimes I don’t know what I want
A million different things I guess
But at the end of the day will I always be searching
For something better
What If the best is already in front of me?
And I just can't see it?
I've been through so many challenges during my travels
I've learned from each one.
This is the greatest challenge because I am so close.
I'm so close to something I really want.
I have faith that right now I can decide how my perception is going to take it.
Don't let the past play a trend into the future.
The future is now
And I'm downloading it as we speak.
The McDonaldization of my Affection - January 2, 2010
It’s easy to find fault within negative things
Reading in between the lines, if you know what I mean
Nothing will ever be perfect if you don’t believe it to be
Or believe in the chance that it could happen, possibly
It’s easy to feel discouraged in a malnourished world
But I know that deep down inside I have the talent that swirls
Positive energy…call it God, call it whatever you will
Definitions really don’t matter, it’s what’s inside that is real
This believe system founded on solid principles
Backed with above average credentials…
Decent good looks with charisma to match
Got too many things going to right now - to bury the hatchet
To sit and be stagnant….while life passes me by
Fuck that shit man I got to get up and try
And like a magnet I just need to attract some much needed attention
Because like attracts like
And what I’d like right now is for a hottie to match some
Make that all of my standards
Not superficial but unique in their own way
Kind of like mcdonalds, hot off the grill and you can have it your own way.
Reading in between the lines, if you know what I mean
Nothing will ever be perfect if you don’t believe it to be
Or believe in the chance that it could happen, possibly
It’s easy to feel discouraged in a malnourished world
But I know that deep down inside I have the talent that swirls
Positive energy…call it God, call it whatever you will
Definitions really don’t matter, it’s what’s inside that is real
This believe system founded on solid principles
Backed with above average credentials…
Decent good looks with charisma to match
Got too many things going to right now - to bury the hatchet
To sit and be stagnant….while life passes me by
Fuck that shit man I got to get up and try
And like a magnet I just need to attract some much needed attention
Because like attracts like
And what I’d like right now is for a hottie to match some
Make that all of my standards
Not superficial but unique in their own way
Kind of like mcdonalds, hot off the grill and you can have it your own way.
A New Beginning - January 10, 2010
No missed calls – No text messages – another day in the books – sometimes its so difficult finding ways to stay positive – but I can’t give up – I have to have faith that better days will soon come to pass…
"No matter how hard the road seems to appear…..just know that God is by your side….as long as you keep the faith in Him, He will not let you fail….although you may be broke you are not broken…although you may feel lonely, you are not alone…. "
God please comfort me….sometimes I just want to break down and cry….I’m not depressed, just impatient….Please give me the patience to let things mature….I gave it my best today…and tomorrow I will do it again…everyday, every hour, every minute, every second….never giving up hope because I know good things will come eventually….
So I continue to push….continue to push myself to the brink of exhaustion….everyday…all to escape the lonely confines of this dirty apartment….
It may be cold right out right now but soon things will get brighter….i may be lonely right now but soon I’ll soon find what I’m looking for….my standards will not falter….i don’t mind waiting….i know I have what it takes….to score that perfect 10 bombshell….to get that raise….to pay off this debt….to get that 6 pack….
2009 was the worst year ever by far…but with all the setbacks and disappointments….now is the time to start making a comeback….no obstacle is too great….no mountain is too heavy….as God as my witness….I’m going to climb this mountain….and when I get to the top….it’s times like these….that will make everything seem worthwhile…..i can’t wait to bask in the moment….like 2005 when I was in Australia….everyday I was grateful to be in that place…..
Now I’m in a much different place….5 years have passed but my outlook stays the same….It hasn’t always been a bed of roses….and sometimes it feels like I’m sleeping in a bed of thorns….and sometimes I have bad dreams where everyone’s laughing at me….a miserable failure…..in the eyes of my peers…..if they only knew how much passion I have….and how much I want to become successful….well it’s no longer a bad dream….I’m going to make it my reality….slowly but surely I’m going to rise to the top….and when I get there I can finally sleep peacefully…but until then….this journey….this long, lonely, depressing journey is going to make me stronger…..better, faster, stronger….than I’ve ever been before…..i thank God for these challenges…..and I don’t care how many times I fall down…..because every day I wake up….I’m that much stronger, that much bolder, that much wiser….to be able to handle all the adversity…..that life throws in front of me….
But regardless of all else, my mindset, my outlook, my demeanor….will continue to remain steadfast, headstrong, and brutally positive…..no matter what…..a true solider at heart….sometimes encouragement is hard to find…..and its times like these when I have to make something out of nothing….pour out my guts and hammer the point home…..i can’t change the past….but with a little hard work….my future will become like a rear view mirror….objects in mirror are closer than they really appear.
"No matter how hard the road seems to appear…..just know that God is by your side….as long as you keep the faith in Him, He will not let you fail….although you may be broke you are not broken…although you may feel lonely, you are not alone…. "
God please comfort me….sometimes I just want to break down and cry….I’m not depressed, just impatient….Please give me the patience to let things mature….I gave it my best today…and tomorrow I will do it again…everyday, every hour, every minute, every second….never giving up hope because I know good things will come eventually….
So I continue to push….continue to push myself to the brink of exhaustion….everyday…all to escape the lonely confines of this dirty apartment….
It may be cold right out right now but soon things will get brighter….i may be lonely right now but soon I’ll soon find what I’m looking for….my standards will not falter….i don’t mind waiting….i know I have what it takes….to score that perfect 10 bombshell….to get that raise….to pay off this debt….to get that 6 pack….
2009 was the worst year ever by far…but with all the setbacks and disappointments….now is the time to start making a comeback….no obstacle is too great….no mountain is too heavy….as God as my witness….I’m going to climb this mountain….and when I get to the top….it’s times like these….that will make everything seem worthwhile…..i can’t wait to bask in the moment….like 2005 when I was in Australia….everyday I was grateful to be in that place…..
Now I’m in a much different place….5 years have passed but my outlook stays the same….It hasn’t always been a bed of roses….and sometimes it feels like I’m sleeping in a bed of thorns….and sometimes I have bad dreams where everyone’s laughing at me….a miserable failure…..in the eyes of my peers…..if they only knew how much passion I have….and how much I want to become successful….well it’s no longer a bad dream….I’m going to make it my reality….slowly but surely I’m going to rise to the top….and when I get there I can finally sleep peacefully…but until then….this journey….this long, lonely, depressing journey is going to make me stronger…..better, faster, stronger….than I’ve ever been before…..i thank God for these challenges…..and I don’t care how many times I fall down…..because every day I wake up….I’m that much stronger, that much bolder, that much wiser….to be able to handle all the adversity…..that life throws in front of me….
But regardless of all else, my mindset, my outlook, my demeanor….will continue to remain steadfast, headstrong, and brutally positive…..no matter what…..a true solider at heart….sometimes encouragement is hard to find…..and its times like these when I have to make something out of nothing….pour out my guts and hammer the point home…..i can’t change the past….but with a little hard work….my future will become like a rear view mirror….objects in mirror are closer than they really appear.
Freestyle - August 13, 2010
So this is it, this is what I’ve been given - Sitting in my room – cold, alone and I’m shiverin’
Cause even misery can creep – straight up outta this 100 degree heat – and even when I’m blazed I can feel the warmth of the cold streets – reminiscing about the days in Chicago – almost four years, where the hell did they all go? It’s like the immaturity seeped right outta my damn soul – and I’m so…
Anxious and oblivious to what the future holds for me
Almost kind of scared now – Getting pretty ornery
All my friends have girlfriends, drug habits, or wife and kids
And im stuck with jealousy, and sticky fingertips – salivating at a moment’s notice
Losing my focus faster than a magician can say Hocus Pokus
Here we are now - this is my reality. Although I don’t want to be here, I know God has laid out plans for me. It’s just a matter of being patient. No matter how easy it seems, I can’t be complacent. And I may be old, but I’ll never be ancient – history. All the memories of easier moments – combined with the challenges, mountains and unmovable boulders – but doesn’t matter how the premise was proposed – it’s time to start over. What matters most? Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. Well I must have a mental disorder. Because happiness seems so far away right now.
Cause even misery can creep – straight up outta this 100 degree heat – and even when I’m blazed I can feel the warmth of the cold streets – reminiscing about the days in Chicago – almost four years, where the hell did they all go? It’s like the immaturity seeped right outta my damn soul – and I’m so…
Anxious and oblivious to what the future holds for me
Almost kind of scared now – Getting pretty ornery
All my friends have girlfriends, drug habits, or wife and kids
And im stuck with jealousy, and sticky fingertips – salivating at a moment’s notice
Losing my focus faster than a magician can say Hocus Pokus
Here we are now - this is my reality. Although I don’t want to be here, I know God has laid out plans for me. It’s just a matter of being patient. No matter how easy it seems, I can’t be complacent. And I may be old, but I’ll never be ancient – history. All the memories of easier moments – combined with the challenges, mountains and unmovable boulders – but doesn’t matter how the premise was proposed – it’s time to start over. What matters most? Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. Well I must have a mental disorder. Because happiness seems so far away right now.
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