Not Really a Setback (But Kind Of)

No longer on my own anymore
Humility has rose uproariously
Confidence has declined drastically
But regardless of circumstance, it’s still a major step back.

Its nice to be home but I feel so alone.
Inside of a room where I don’t feel so grown
Up is a mouthful because down brings the nightfall
And at the end of the day, it’s Hairy like Pitfall.
Starting to get ambitiously impatient
But I don’t know what to direct my ambivalence towards.

Friendly confines is like standing upright in the KFC lunch line
Everyone wants grease in their chicken breast wings.
The gym offers recluse from the annoying monotony
The day to day drizzle that stares out in front of me



Never ending, ever endless is the desire to start something new
But the older I get, the longer the odds are skewed
Against my favor
Take it for what it’s worth, this is a period of worthlessness
Drowning in a cup of wintergreen Nyquil

Patience is beginning to wear thin
Where within these bounds is there room to circulate?
The stale air is prevalent yet comforting
Just sucks that my least favorite failure is becoming my everything
Trying to get bigger on the outside
And cleaner on the inside
But in between leaks a much greater compromise

Back in the day, God used to talk to me
Call it a crazy coincidence, but it all used to make sense to me
And now it’s like I found a place that offers placement
More like sleeping on pavement, dreaming of melodies
That tell of good fortune once the cookies are broken

Scaling back the dependencies
Prescription pill popping drug induced indecencies
Blowing up in a cloud of smoke
Are the chances to succeed, if you keep smoking dope
There is no relaxation within a state of confusion
Forgetting the whereabouts of things that are free
Given away motivation at a cheap price usually

Rain drops falling on a scatterbrained rooftop
There is no bottom on the top of a soapbox
There’s only one reason to keep it all in
Don’t want to scare those with a brain and a pen
Otherwise, we celebrate the greatness that suffering yields
Decaying ever so rapidly, is the state of our nothingness
Sticky fingertips give way to long hands and deep pockets
Searching for change to pay their way modestly

Claustrophobia perhaps could be less prevalent
Complaining about it could more or less be irrelevant
Than the last page of rambling transcript deciphered in here

Conditions are slightly better in the footnotes of poverty
Paying back debts that weigh heavy like gravity
Slowly but surely, we are breaking away from the forces that bind
Blinded by the better half
Surrounded in the aftermath
Of a much brighter future
That lies ahead in the distant path

Gotta get up move, it’s 3:00am on a Wednesday
Turn the clock backwards, let’s pretend that it’s yesterday
Romanticizing in a recliner chair, in the midst of a rain delay

Quite frankly, Lady Luck hasn’t been too lucky of late
It’s hard to get over when the main event is in the preliminary bout
Without any ring music, jerking the curtain

Lets take nothing away from the credentials
A miserable footprint in the pathway of principles
Better look closer. Because Goals and dreams are objects of fear
Objectively speaking, as the moment appears
In the rearview mirror, a distant distortion
Blatantly reported like it’s the news of the day
A little bit rusty but you know what they say
The squeaky wheel always gets the grease

Hate if you must, appease if you will
Forgiveness is just another bottle of pills
That you take down with water
Drowning in the bitter solitude that life has to offer

April Flowers

To whom it may concern,
No job No money No friends No hunnies
No mission No goals No passion No lovely
Masterpieces to write about tonight
Instead it’s bricks and bones, balls, sticks, and stones
Not very glamorous from the outside looking in
But the inside is burning from being locked in
A cage, a cell, the basement, it’s hell
Afraid to tell others because they know me too well
To sit and complain on my high horse, a stain
On an otherwise lofty list of accomplishments
Places I’ve been too – all the things that I’ve become
Cooked and burnt, left for dead now I’m done
Wallowing in insignificant distain, patiently playing the waiting game
It all comes in due time, but the longer I wait, the stronger I climb
Out of this shell and into the ashes – of ineptitude
Look at me now man it sucks to be you. The truth hurts sometimes
When you’re climbing out of conditions you wished were much simpler
Suffering is relative, but I refuse to let this moment give in
Never let it go. The faith is too strong - it’s the only thing worth holding onto
Letting everything else go - not sure how else I’m supposed to
Stay strong and confident – lacking all the fundamentals
There go all the credentials, right out of the window
Humility is a dying breed – but right now I’m modestly clawing my way back into society
Fully functional and happy – that all of these circumstances mean nothing to me
Because God is back on my side – the stronger the temptations, the stronger the tide
Pulls me back into reality – nothing to offer right now, come back later
But in the meantime I’m taking all the right steps
Keep marching forward – never looking back
The memories are fond but I bid them farewell
Cause I got my eyes set on a far greater prize
Than money or fame could ever supposedly buy
Its living life like it’s supposed to be done
A man of many faces, but this is what I’ve become
A soldier of fortune, it’s my season to shine
A little bit older, a whole lot wiser
And for better or worse I’m just beginning to crawl
Over these walls and into the vast horizon
Arms outstretched, every muscle is fighting
Working, earning, savoring, learning
That sometimes the hardest falls bring forth character flaws
No I’m not perfect but I’m gonna give it my all
To get back on my feet, defeat all this debt that has been encompassing me
No longer will this master status be stumbling backward
Time to tally the losses and regain the lost stature
Rename my new swagger – not accepting anything resembling failure
Retreat is not an option this time around
The challenges are endless but so is my perseverance
All of the years of insignificant benevolence
Helps me keep my guard up regardless of circumstance
Grave yard shift, sitting here craving the innocence
Making the most out of the blessings and favor
That God brings my way, I’ll never sit wayward
Instead I’m jumping on top of opportunity
Writing it down because it will pass way more fluently
Than it ever has before
This is my story – rags to riches – it may take some time but I’m drawing the pictures
Ever so softly – it doesn’t matter that no one is listening
Because like it or not, my heart of gold is glistening
Shining brighter than it ever has before
Cause I finally got the support I’ve been praying for
That’s all that I need to break through this storm