What do you when they all turn their back on you?
Do you ignore them forever, or do you pursue
A relationship, one that used to be close
But over the years has gone sour and cold
Missing out on all the moments
And missing them greatly
Then hatred reigns over
Like why don’t they take me
Back in, why should I be the one that reaches out
Instead of pretending like I never existed
Makes me feel insignificant to the outer most limits
They say time heals all wounds
But in this case, they worsen
In the back of my mind, I was never the person
To make amends, to make everything right again
But it’s hard to give in, when your pride is uncertain
Holidays, birthdays, and all of the celebrating
Is spent without me, and nobody’s monitoring
The current state of affairs, so distant and dear
Too much resistance in my heart to have such worry and fear
That no matter how many times you try to communicate
They’ll all shun me out, with hatred and discontent
What do you do when they all turn their back on you?
Sadly it’s true, and I don’t really know how to make the best move.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
State of the Union – 2012
State of the Union – 2012
It sucks having no job and living in my dad’s basement. It’s kind of hard to get girls under those circumstances. Well, nice ones anyway. Sometimes it seems like I’ll never get out of here. It’s like every time I go to move forward, I take two steps back. Officially humbled and despondent, my confidence is completely shattered. Every day I walk with my head down. The only recourse I have is working out – the gym. Every single ounce of bitterness, frustration, and anger gets unleashed on a daily basis. Sometimes I work out so hard I collapse as soon as I get home, to my nook.
It didn’t use to be this way. I used to have a good job, a hot girlfriend, and a respectable place of my own. But for some reason, I threw it all away. I’m not sure if it was accidental or intentional. Looking back, all I ever wanted is what I used to have. Looking forward, I’m a much different person now. I now appreciate all the things I used to take for granted. Things like independence and having lots of friends. Although I am broke, I am not broken. I continue to believe in God, more so now than ever before to get me through these challenges. My faith is stronger than ever. It’s all I have left. It’s the only thing that has not left me.
I can only hope and pray for better days. I refuse to let failure become a permanent part of me. Before, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be happy. I believe that these past two years has helped transform me into the person I needed to be. Identifying with loneliness has always been something I have been able to cope with, until now. Now, I can see what I want, I know what I need, all I need to do is reach out there and grab it, and never let it go. I’ve let a lot of things go. The grass always used to be greener. But now everywhere I look, the grass has withered away and there is nothing but dead leaves on dirty ground.
All is not lost. My hope, my passion, my dreams continue to inspire to this day. The only thing I need right now is patience. And faith that all things are possible through Christ which strengthens me.
I’ve made a ton of mistakes and perhaps I should have settled on a life that I hated. I never was content with anything…I had the hottest girl in the world, the best job in the world, and lived in the best city in the world – Chicago. And now I’m stuck in the doldrums of God forsaken Byron, Michigan. Right where I was before I started my journey when I left home at 19. For the people who don’t my story, it’s been a hell of a ride. I’ve seen the world, I’ve experienced a lot of cool things, met a lot of cool people and culture, and now I’m back to where it all began.
On the outside, all seems lost. But on the inside I am content. I am as healthy as I’ve ever been. My body looks as good as it ever has. And my faith is as strong as it ever was. The only thing missing is opportunity. God please give me the opportunity to succeed, the opportunity to make a better life, not only for myself and for others. Please take away all this selfishness that has eroded my soul in the past and replace it with warmth and love.
It’s kind of funny. It’s almost as if I forgot how to love, forgot what it’s like to be loved and a part of something important. I don’t care about money or material possessions. All I want is the opportunity to prove to others that I can be successful. Right now, success seems light years away. But I know that in an instant, everything can change. Luck is for losers. Good fortune comes to those who prepare. And opportunity arises when you expect it to.
I don’t care what it takes, one day soon I’ll be back on my feet and have a nice home, job, and girlfriend. The 3 things most people take for granted are the 3 things I most desperately yearn for and strive to achieve. It’s not going to happen overnight but I’ll be damn sure if I sit here any longer and wait for things to come my way. It’s time to take life by the balls and expect good things. When push comes to shove, that’s when I kick the fucking doors down. Always have, always will. And regardless what others may think of me, I know always that with God on my side, favor will come to pass. Until then, I’ll continue to exercise – the one thing that breaks the depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Every fucking day for 2 hours a day until exhaustion. Everything else – the alcohol, the drugs, all the other vices that used to bring me down – are a fragment of a checkered past.
2011 was a rebuilding year. 2012 will be a year of success. I don’t care what it takes, I don’t care what I have to do, by any means necessary, I will continue to kick doors down until somebody lets me in. Call it wishful thinking, call it whatever, I call it an absolute necessity. I have to have this kind of mindset because it’s too easy to get down. It’s too easy to feel defeated and lost. And when life brings you down, the only thing you can do is get back up, dust your feet off, and keep marching forward. Character is measured by how many times you keep getting back up. And it’s my belief that I now have the character that can yield prosperous results, moving forward.
Right now I’m on my ass, sitting here writing about things that I want. That’s the first step. The next step is getting them. I’m halfway there to achieving the prize. However long it takes, I’ll continue to fight for what I believe in, fight for what I know I can get.
There’s a long way to go but sooner or later, I’ll be mine in no time. Bank on that.
It sucks having no job and living in my dad’s basement. It’s kind of hard to get girls under those circumstances. Well, nice ones anyway. Sometimes it seems like I’ll never get out of here. It’s like every time I go to move forward, I take two steps back. Officially humbled and despondent, my confidence is completely shattered. Every day I walk with my head down. The only recourse I have is working out – the gym. Every single ounce of bitterness, frustration, and anger gets unleashed on a daily basis. Sometimes I work out so hard I collapse as soon as I get home, to my nook.
It didn’t use to be this way. I used to have a good job, a hot girlfriend, and a respectable place of my own. But for some reason, I threw it all away. I’m not sure if it was accidental or intentional. Looking back, all I ever wanted is what I used to have. Looking forward, I’m a much different person now. I now appreciate all the things I used to take for granted. Things like independence and having lots of friends. Although I am broke, I am not broken. I continue to believe in God, more so now than ever before to get me through these challenges. My faith is stronger than ever. It’s all I have left. It’s the only thing that has not left me.
I can only hope and pray for better days. I refuse to let failure become a permanent part of me. Before, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be happy. I believe that these past two years has helped transform me into the person I needed to be. Identifying with loneliness has always been something I have been able to cope with, until now. Now, I can see what I want, I know what I need, all I need to do is reach out there and grab it, and never let it go. I’ve let a lot of things go. The grass always used to be greener. But now everywhere I look, the grass has withered away and there is nothing but dead leaves on dirty ground.
All is not lost. My hope, my passion, my dreams continue to inspire to this day. The only thing I need right now is patience. And faith that all things are possible through Christ which strengthens me.
I’ve made a ton of mistakes and perhaps I should have settled on a life that I hated. I never was content with anything…I had the hottest girl in the world, the best job in the world, and lived in the best city in the world – Chicago. And now I’m stuck in the doldrums of God forsaken Byron, Michigan. Right where I was before I started my journey when I left home at 19. For the people who don’t my story, it’s been a hell of a ride. I’ve seen the world, I’ve experienced a lot of cool things, met a lot of cool people and culture, and now I’m back to where it all began.
On the outside, all seems lost. But on the inside I am content. I am as healthy as I’ve ever been. My body looks as good as it ever has. And my faith is as strong as it ever was. The only thing missing is opportunity. God please give me the opportunity to succeed, the opportunity to make a better life, not only for myself and for others. Please take away all this selfishness that has eroded my soul in the past and replace it with warmth and love.
It’s kind of funny. It’s almost as if I forgot how to love, forgot what it’s like to be loved and a part of something important. I don’t care about money or material possessions. All I want is the opportunity to prove to others that I can be successful. Right now, success seems light years away. But I know that in an instant, everything can change. Luck is for losers. Good fortune comes to those who prepare. And opportunity arises when you expect it to.
I don’t care what it takes, one day soon I’ll be back on my feet and have a nice home, job, and girlfriend. The 3 things most people take for granted are the 3 things I most desperately yearn for and strive to achieve. It’s not going to happen overnight but I’ll be damn sure if I sit here any longer and wait for things to come my way. It’s time to take life by the balls and expect good things. When push comes to shove, that’s when I kick the fucking doors down. Always have, always will. And regardless what others may think of me, I know always that with God on my side, favor will come to pass. Until then, I’ll continue to exercise – the one thing that breaks the depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Every fucking day for 2 hours a day until exhaustion. Everything else – the alcohol, the drugs, all the other vices that used to bring me down – are a fragment of a checkered past.
2011 was a rebuilding year. 2012 will be a year of success. I don’t care what it takes, I don’t care what I have to do, by any means necessary, I will continue to kick doors down until somebody lets me in. Call it wishful thinking, call it whatever, I call it an absolute necessity. I have to have this kind of mindset because it’s too easy to get down. It’s too easy to feel defeated and lost. And when life brings you down, the only thing you can do is get back up, dust your feet off, and keep marching forward. Character is measured by how many times you keep getting back up. And it’s my belief that I now have the character that can yield prosperous results, moving forward.
Right now I’m on my ass, sitting here writing about things that I want. That’s the first step. The next step is getting them. I’m halfway there to achieving the prize. However long it takes, I’ll continue to fight for what I believe in, fight for what I know I can get.
There’s a long way to go but sooner or later, I’ll be mine in no time. Bank on that.
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